Friday, August 31, 2012


Had some more humble pie. You would think with this many servings it would be getting old, and you would be correct, but when you have nothing left to eat but the humble? You pretty much suck it up and eat it.

Grandparents that gave us the questionable food is sending us a check to get plates and licenses. Because you only have so many days to get that done. And we'll just leave off we're past that time. My folks' visit went just fine and I had made a snarky comment about asking grandparents for money to help. And they did.

I am an @$$.

I could be all they never had much to do with me so yeah, about time they help out. Or they've helped out my other cousins so yes, they should. But that just falls away and all I can do is say thanks God for sending someone to bail us out....again.

Aaaand in-laws just sent money as well. On top of it, every time they've called, my phone either wouldn't let me answer it, or I've been out of minutes thanks to a talkative relative. I'm sure this is making the warm fuzzy feelings for me at an all time low.

Insert deep sigh of frustration

I find it hard to be in this constant state of needing help. I don't think it's because I'm prideful, it's mainly because most of my life when I've needed help - it's never there. And I find myself in these weird situations over and over and I keep thinking, "what the heck is going on?!?"

Believe me, this shocks the snot out of me because my life wasn't supposed to go this way. I was supposed to have a house with a white picket fence and a walk-in closet. And everything was supposed to be perfect too. Might as well toss in world peace while I'm going for it.

And on marches the message of - go ahead and make your plans, they won't work anyway.

True story.

So many lessons over the last few months. Where to begin? Can't. Not enough brain power to make it happen. But I think my biggest is learning to pray for strength to go through. I've spent my whole life asking God to take things away or to make things happen a certain way. All to no avail - hence the toilet flush. I heard a sermon about a month ago about the bible says over and over about a situation not going away but the person going through the trial. That sort of stuck with me.

Whatever it is you're going through - pray for strength to get through it. Chances are if it's knocking on your door, it's there for a reason. Is it an attack? A learning lesson, a kick in the pants, or maybe an opportunity to press through to the other side?

Does it suck? Yuppers. Doesn't it hurt? More than I have words to express. However, there are experiences gained that can't be washed away. A strength that has been found, character that was developed that wasn't there before. I think the pain of regret is worse than the pain of going through something because regret never seems to go away.

If we're the only bible some people ever read - what do you want them to see? How about I am still here. This situation should have totally bottomed me out and while there are days it feels like it did, it really didn't. Because

Take that, you crappy situation with all your extra helpings of humble pie!


rthling said...

As I was reading your post, which makes me sad, but proud of my sister-from-another-mister, I couldn't help but feeling we are in the same boat sometimes. God doesn't want to get us through things, so much as he wants to be with us through it. Being together on this crappy journey of life makes it somewhat less than crappy. We just have to look at the together part of it instead of the crap part of it.

And then some of my week-old leftover sloppy joe meat fell off my week-old left over hoagie bun (because it's the only bread left in the house) and fell into my applesauce cup, and I had to laugh. It made me think of you and smile.

Cyber hugs and all that jazz....

Joanna said...

Smoochies right back!!

Some days I feel like I get it and then there are other days....

I feel like tour-guide Barbie sometimes - "And on your left you'll see another example of how I sort of blew it, but managed to get back on the horse.....On your right, you'll see how said horse bucked me right off into that hidden pile of dog pooh."

Kerri said...

Love this. Going THROUGH, not taking away. SO true. Love you so much.