Friday, September 14, 2012

Papers, Please?

It's been a busy couple days. We had a car pulled over right near our driveway that had about 5 cop cars blocking traffic. I don't know what was found, but that car search took for-evah. Jared was able to see the whole thing from his bedroom window, which he gave us blow by blow commentary.

And it's not even the weekend yet.

We finally made it back to the bmv today and oh my word, I could spend the rest of the week writing blog posts on that fodder. But I will spare you and mush it all into one post.

It started when they announced that I was already on file with the state. 10 points if you can guess what went through my mind.

I had this moment of panic thinking my mom signed my name to something or we were already flagged as people of suspicion. That usually takes years for them to get caught up. Kidding!

I was about ready to tell them I was really adopted but didn't have any papers to prove it, when I remembered my grandparents had put my name on a car they got for my dad years back. Gosh, that wasn't THAT long ago but at the same time feels like a loooong time ago. Anyhoo, they no longer have that car but I had to sign off on the car as well, thus I was on file.

Luckily for me it wasn't a bad thing.

I guess I should mentally apologize to my mom for the rant I had going on......but since no one else heard it, we'll call it good.

Sorry momma!

There. I feel.....better.....I.....guess.

All that really meant was I got to go take my written test before Fred. The gal made sure we had our separate identification in case I passed the test. In case? She didn't think I would pass?

Great. Now I was nervous.

She went on to explain that she didn't pass her test when she moved from a different state. And you work here? Lovely!

I waved ta-ta to the Fred and settled in to mentally wrestle with this mind bend of a test. I should have let half my brain take a nap. Easy. Although, I only got stumped on a couple questions. Questions like how many feet away should oncoming traffic be before you take your high beams off? 500 feet, 300 feet, 50 feet, or 100 feet?

How far away is feet anyway? Why yes, I did start to get panicky. Was it that obvious?

It didn't help that everyone was finishing a lot faster than me. I didn't notice it until Fred was on the other side of the test area.....and then went on to finish before me. Overachiever strikes again. But I shouldn't have been nervous because I am happy to say, I was the first one to pass the test all morning.

Tap, tap

Did you get that? Alllll morning.

My moment of glory was naturally shot down when they graded Fred's test and he scored better.

I didn't need my glasses to pass the vision test which makes no sense to me, because I wear them all the time. I get headaches if I don't, so you can rest assured, I will be driving with them on.

Although, there were issues with my bangs. Apparently, your eyebrows have to be showing and my eyebrows were either shy or the bangs wanted all the attention today. Both are possible. By the 5th time we had to redo the picture, I wasn't smiling. And you're not allowed to show any teeth. Granted, most of the people there were missing some, but a toothy grin was a no, no. If I was showing teeth, it was because I was growling. Or maybe that was my stomach that was growling. It's all a blur - from all the bright lights flashing.

Did I ever mention I really hate my picture being taken? I have no idea why but when I'm smiling for the camera all I can think is "I look like a dork". Then when I see the picture, that thought is totally confirmed.

Fred said I looked either grumpy or tired. I thought a bit of both.

But got all that squared away and I waited for Fred to go through all his process. While I sat there waiting, I started to notice how many people were failing the test. One guy had sat down in front of me while I was in the middle of the test, finished before I did, and was out the door with an epic fail. He came back in again, took the test again, and failed it again. Part of me wanted to ask if he even read the thing.

The questions weren't that hard but some of the answers were hilarious. There were 45 questions with multiple choice answers. I think whoever wrote it was either high or wanted to get back at people. It was all I could do not to laugh....during a test. Because I'm mature like that.

If a blind man is in the crosswalk you should: a) come to a stop and wait until he's crossed, b) honk and wave him through c) slow down and honk d) drive around him

Wave him through? Wave the blind man through? I'm sure he'll be so appreciative of your kind gesture IF HE COULD SEE YOU! That is unless you decided to mow him down while you were honking the horn.

I heard a guy tell his friend that he answered the question if you're in a wreck you should - c) hurry up and leave before the cops get there. I was able to cover my laughter by choking on my own spit. Thankfully, they didn't notice my sudden need for oxygen because the friend was too busy bragging that he wasn't falling for that trick question and instead just told the man what he wanted to hear rather than confess to what he would do.

And we have people like this out there driving vehicles. That is until both of them failed their tests.  Then I listened to them argue who was right and which question did they miss. I felt so bad for the gal who was waiting on them. She had this expression on her face that clearly said, 'I don't get paid enough to put up with this crap'.

Fred was all done and we headed out the door. We got in the truck and I demanded to see his picture. We've had this on going laugh that he doesn't look very nice in his pictures. He's a nice guy but you would never know this from his photo identification. True to form, dude manages to look totally pissed off. But this is an improvement - he's gone from looking like a terrorists, to looking like a thug, to now just looking mad. So mad is good.

I will now have to work on not thinking I look like a dork so I will have normal looking photos because those thoughts seem to show up in facial expression. You know, that might explain some of the issues people have with me.

But dork face and angry face are now legal. Now all we need is a new set of wheels before the end of the month because that's how long our plates are good for. No pressure.