Friday, November 9, 2012

So Here I Is....

Wide awake at oh dark thirty-ish, and decided to write another boring blog post as I continue to murdalize the English language. Where grammar police shudder in horror as if this was the scariest thing out there.

LOOK!!! DANGLING PARTICIPLES!!!! AAAHHH, The horror!!!!!!!!

For the record, I still have no idea what it is and why it shouldn't dangle. Maybe it's scared of heights or something, I dunno?

I can feel your excitement from here. Simmer down before I sprain a finger from all this typing.

Personally, I think I'm funnier when I'm slap happy but it just might mean I don't care and have given up all attempts to censor myself.

Fear me if you dare!!! For I am unable to make any sense!!!!

I don't even drink coffee, so I don't know what my excuse is. Oh, wait!! I'm a mom! That should explain the nervous ticks, the eye twitch, the haggard expression, the sighs of contempt, and the utterly bone exhaustion of letting these people live.

Gasp!

And typical me style, this should have been busted up into different blog post but since I've totally blown this off for Pinterst, I'm just gonna cram it all into one long post.....again. So sit back and see if I can stay on point.

*whispers* not gonna happen

Well, I totally went all Sunrise, Sunset on my boys. Posted a few pictures of them on Facebook but was able to refrain from going all "omg, I am so proud of you guys and *sob* I just want the best for you out of life and you're the wind beneath my wings."

Does that mean I'm standing on them? That's kind of a cruel thing to say to someone.

But they got THE GAME that they've been blathering on about only to discover.......it didn't work. Happiness was no where to be found. Especially from me because I was dragged from my warm bed, went to vote, took Hubby to work so I could have the van for the day, ran a ba-gillion errands, and then came home only to encounter the unhappiness.

My folks arrived shortly after, at least I think they did because I was too busy with making the cake, frosting it, and got working on lasagna because that's what the guys always request. Yippee. I guess I should be grateful they didn't ask for homemade noodles as that is a total time suck of my day.

After tossing the pan into the oven, my dad and I went and picked up Fred from work and then got back in time to take the lasagna out of the oven. I found a nifty trick on hemming jeans on Pinterest so forced my mom to do it for Michael's jeans. It's terrible. Dude wears a 30x30 but really needs a 30x29 - which I have yet to find. So she did that and we watched the election while Fred took the game back to swap it for another one.

Excitement was upon us and the moment was building up with so much hope! And then we found out Obama won. I mean the game didn't work either. Needless to say, there was a room full of grumpy people. Suddenly I felt rather foolish for singing my nanner nanner, goodbye song while at the polls.

They don't make medication for people like me. Believe me, people have looked.

But we all know what Scarlet would tells us - that tomorrow is another day. And so the next day rolled in with Nicholas getting a brilliant idea, which he swears some techie angel must have downloaded it to him as he's still surprised it worked.  And there was rejoicing in the land as the stupid game was now working!

Claps of joy and laughter!

Noise interrupted as the guys beat the stupid game in 1 day.

1 day?!?!?

They beat it again the following day on the hardest level in less time. Really, people? Really?

One would think that amount of money one just spent that it would be hours upon hours of laughter, entertainment, and leaving the momma person A-L-O-N-E so she could read her book in peace. But that turned out to be a big ol n to the o, there momma.

And true to form, youngest wanted to get in on the action and there was all kinds of finger pointing going on. Me, being the awesome me that I am, had anticipated this and had books, his own game, even a movie tossed in to try to distract him from his brothers new shiny game in the hopes of surviving this week without any arguments.

No such luck. 

We are now out of chocolate AND wine. But sadly, I still have some whine left as you are still reading.

On a totally different topic, but this has been addressed here before, I finally took people's advice and purchased a Netti pot. For those of you who missed this conversation, don't worry! It happened like 2 or 3 years ago and I couldn't even tell you where it is, nor can I link to it because I'm a bit tired and have lost all sense of courtesy of finding it.

Anyhoo, a Netti pot looks life a goofy Aladdin's lamp that you're supposed to fill with warm water, shove up one nostril, and play the teapot song as you tip it over and pour it out and up in your nasal cavity.

Yeah, I basically water-boarded myself.  No joke! I started confessing to things I had no clue about as I continued to partially drown myself all in the name of nasal cleansing. Oh my freak! The burn!!! I blew my nose wondering if a jellyfish was going to fall out of my nose but was disappointed that only a partial oyster blooped out instead.

Hee hee, I know 3 people just gagged at that! I say it's paybacks for some of the pictures people post on Facebook. I can't be the only person that is innocently scrolling through their feed, keeping in touch with their peeps, only to come upon some horrible injury that could turn a harden veteran nurse's stomach. And there I am all aaahhhhh! Make it go away! *gag* My eyes!!! *gag, gag*

Where was I? Oh yes, drowning myself.

The next day, I end up with a bloody nose. So now I'm cussing myself out for letting the partial oyster get away because apparently it was holding the blood in my nose for me.

Ick, man, just ick.

I still fail to see how this is suppose to be all helpful like and cleansing. Insult to injury, while cleaning up bloody nose, I discovered some mutant zip trying to form on the rim of my nostril. Now half my nose looks like it was out drinking and made out with Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.

I guess that was better than hanging out with Bernard the brown-nose reindeer.

And I have no idea where that came from but I sat here for like 10 minutes cracking up laughing.

But my poor nose! Every time I touch it, it hurts. Before you say, "stop touching it" I was still cleaning up my bloody mess. I came pretty close to shoving an ice cube up my nose but was worried I would get carried away and start singing about Frosty the snowman.

Why do I have a feeling I need intervention? I'm not even on anything and I still feel like some normal person out there should step in and say, "seriously, you are strange and need to get fixed". But then I can see myself saying, "you can't fix me as I'm not broken" and then skip away singing some song that only makes sense to me.

Clearly, this is all a big sign for me to go to bed now.

0 comments: