Monday, December 30, 2013

Pinterest Tried To Kill Me

Well, in Pinterest's defense it wasn't really its fault. I kept coming across recipe after recipe and thought ooh that looks good! And I'm the type of person that only likes to taste a bunch of little stuff, but doesn't want to get stuck with a ton of it. Toss in Hubby needed to do a gift exchange last year, and it all made sense to make a ton of stuff and give everyone a little bit of everything.

Then insert my crazy self, who tends to over do - well, just about everything.

I mean e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

Last year we did dollar store tins and I did my part and made tons of stuff and Hubby did his part where he got 10 pounds worth of stuff into a 2 pound tin. Awesomeness was had by all.

Then this year rolls around with my craziness showing up and seeing more good recipes to try out. Plus, I thought it would be cool to get those Chinese take out boxes and fill it with stuff. So far, that wasn't a bad idea. Then I kept adding different things to try and....well.....long story short.....amped up crazy person decided to give 4 boxes to each person.

I don't think you are appreciating the level of insanity this turned out to be. Because OH MY FREAKING GOSH!! IT ABOUT DID ME IN!!!!!!

It was on round fifty of some form of awesomeness that I glared at Hubby and demanded to know why my voice of reason, him, didn't speak up to say, "calm the heck down woman!" And believe me, he has had to say it many times. He said he reasoned all this stuff was yummy so have it.

Turkey.

The good news is I got it all done in time. Now I'm begging dude to work for a different hospital so I don't have to go through this again. However, we made up a bag for nurse Diane and he said her reaction was priceless. She said it made her Christmas. And that right there is why I tend to over-do it with things, because that gave me warm fuzzies knowing it meant a lot to someone. He said the rest of the gals acted like a diabetic falling off the wagon. That made me laugh and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to laugh about that or not.

I no sooner had all that done and off the list, when I had to pull stuff together for a family get-together. We had a good time as can be expected. My folks arrived late and left early. So fun was had by all.

My cousin's wife and I are giddy as another book sale is upon us. She caught wind that this will happen day after my b-day, and if her cackled of glee is any indication of what she's up to then I'm sure I will take more ribbing. I've taken a lot of crap from them for not being in my 40s, so I can only imagine the shenanigans they are going to pull. But, we always have a ton of fun, so I'm sure this will be no different.

Although, I really need to spend some quality time getting my book pile lowered. I've been so busy that I haven't had a chance to read much. That is a sad thing indeed! This holiday season has blown by fast! I told the guys that it doesn't even feel like we've had a break. I said we're taking another week off and they just smiled.

Hopefully, I'll give Pinterest a rest because it keeps giving me ideas. And nobody's got time for that right now!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

A Funny Thing Happened At The Tattoo Parlor

And by funny, I mean dear sweet Jesus! I wasn't sure we were going to survive!! Forget L.A.Ink - this was more along the lines of Megadeath's Tattoo Parlor of Creepiness. Before you give me the eye roll, let me set the stage here.

I'm not opposed to tats - my brother has a few. I've joked about getting a chicken feather tattoo but I know that I'm too much of a chicken to follow through with it. I also read an article that said the fatter the person is the more pain they would experience. I don't know if that is true or not, but this chunky monkey isn't going to take any chances thank you very much!

This place was rated 3rd in the entire state. The area is up and coming, tons of little houses turned into shops and it's a cute area. We walk in and it was like falling into a pit from hell. Seriously. We walked right into some sort of invisible wall of creepiness. The guys all looked us both up and down, smirked, and said the coffee shop was next door.

Hilarious.

Sissy said she had an appointment. While all that was going on, I started to look around the room. Big....fricken......mistake! I started to notice that all the hair on the back of my neck was standing at attention, which is odd because that neck hair is really on the lazy side just hanging out, not standing in formation. Cue some Megadeath music and my neck hair started sending Morse code for me to just bonk Sissy over the head and drag ourselves out of there real quick like.

Sensing my fear - a guy covered in tattoos and piercings planted himself near the door and gave off the vibe that he regularly sacrifices humans to his cult of choice.

Looks like we were in the full enchilada. I don't remember wanting an enchilada nor ordering one.

There I was - being all supportive of someone and I was getting eyeballed by Uncle Fester. It also didn't help that all of Sissy's friends bailed on her so I was to be the lone voice of wisdom. I am so fed up with people saying one thing with their mouths and then can't follow through with their actions. Wish people would learn to either be honest or shut the heck up! I was trying hard not to have my jaw hanging open as I looked at all the pictures and sculptures of death and straight up creepiness. And I was trying not to be a judgmental jerk, so I looked these guys in the eyes and smiled and did my best to be nice and joke around with them.

FYI - they didn't find me funny. They were amused at my presence but that was about it. Needless to say, I won't pine away wondering if Fester's day was brighter just by smiling at him. You could smell the crazy on him and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't see a bright day even if he was standing on the sun.

While I was sitting there trying not to make a sign of the cross, I started praying. Actually, I was praying before we even walked through the door. I had joked on the way there 'yay, though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we will fear no evil' - who knew I was so prophetic?

Sissy picked out the word Believe, and it has a lot of meaning for her and this was between her and God. I can support that but looking around this room, I was freaked out and I could tell she was too. As I was praying I felt like God told me to look around the room again. I didn't want to but did. And I was still freaked out. The pictures of death were everywhere. There were pictures of tattoos showing as best as I can describe, a tortured soul condemned to the pit of evil. There was a statue of satan in the corner and the thing was looking at me no matter where I was standing.

Creepy!

Then it hit me - look at what Jesus saved us from. We can sit here and talk about demons and evil, and Jesus loves me cuz the bible tells me so, but to be in a room where the presence of evil was so thick you could almost physically touch it and to know that God sent His Son to rescue us from that evil was overwhelming. I was flooded with so much peace and knew Sissy was to go through with it. She sat down next to me and I leaned over and whispered all this in her ear and she was flooded with peace as well. It lined up with some things we were talking about earlier. Felt like it was a green light from God.

The guy called her back and got her all squared away on where it was going to be and had her prepped. I snapped a few pictures and she said it didn't hurt at all, which was surprising because it was on her ribcage. I sat down and put my phone away and dude was done.

Well, okay then!

The guy rattled off all the care she would need to do and I asked if they had that on paper because she isn't going to remember a single thing he just said. I was right too. She said she was mad at herself about how bad she was worked up over it. The guys were all teasing her saying it's not bad at all and when did she want another one. Then they all looked at me and I said, "oh, no!" I took a ton of ribbing but just smiled as I slowly inched my way towards the door.

Again, this chunky chick isn't taking any chances. If I want something that is going to cost a lot of money, cause me pain, and mark me for life - I would rather have another kid! Besides, how would I explain a chicken feather? Sissy's has meaning - mine would just be sarcastically silly.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

It's Like I Can't Stop Myself With This Whole Chicken Thing

It doesn't help that my chicken butt self has all these opportunities to cluck. I need to go to bed because I am getting dragged to a tattoo place by Sissy for her appointment. No, I'm not getting one! I'm scared of needles. And I have this thing where I tend to get woozy and possibly pass out. I tried to pass a freckle off as a tat once - said it was all I could stand. For some reason, no one believed me.

Go figure.

But we're going to dull the pain by going to see Frozen first. She's seen this movie 3 times now and since I have to go, I'm dragging Jared with me. He is only going because popcorn and a frozen coke will be involved. His level of angst has been at a record high this week and this is not helping it! I'll drop him back off at home because he is just as squeamish as I am so if I go down, the boy will follow out of sympathy and loyalty.

How do I get myself dragged into these things?!? Because right now my feathers are ruffling and I'm trying to keep my clucking to a dull chirp. Thankfully, we're meeting up with another friend of Sissy's who knows what to expect because for some reason I'm supposed to be the mature one of the group. Granted, I'm older than both of them by a lot but still - not my element! And I just changed my do - I haven't had a chance to post a picture yet but I'm definitely rocking the Cruella DeVil look. I've decided to embrace the grey.

Sissy is insisting that the new look is hot and is trying to get this old broad to cave and get inked. I'm not opposed to tats (so long as it has meaning). It's just that whole needle/pain thing and being a big fricken chicken that has me saying no.

Welp.....here's to another wild and crazy weekend!

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Cooked Turkey

We actually had a nice Thanksgiving. Amazingly enough. I am thankful for that because blog post of yore would back me up on the tension. So grateful for the lack of tension and that everyone was able to behave themselves. Myself included. I did get a chuckle that my mom didn't get all bothered by my cop story but she was surprised at my reaction to the other cop story.

I know, you are shocked that there could be yet another cop story.

I'm still laughing about it. Probably because it had nothing to do with us.

We've had issues with a handful of neighborhood kids. Things like firecrackers being set off in our mailbox, banging on the door at 3 a.m. - stuff like that. The brats kids have even tipped over our garbage can. It seems that our driveway and backyard was their personal hangout place before we moved in. And since Hubby refused to let me have the paintball gun, he told the juvenile delinquents of tomorrow kids to go hang out somewhere else. Which they did but still had an occasional thing tossed at the door at 1 in the morning.

Total mystery why I'm actually starting to get on board with doing another move, but that's for another post.

There was a hole in the backyard fence and for whatever reason it's easier for kids to hop through this hole and cut through our yard than to actually use the stupid sidewalk. Whatever. Except this hole kept getting bigger and bigger until I noticed a couple weeks ago that most of the fence collapsed. This fence isn't on our property and we rent so that all equals up to S.E.P. (someone else's problem.)

Day before Thanksgiving I was in the kitchen doing this and that and happened to look out the window to see more kids hopping the fence. It's the same group that has been a royal pain all summer long. After they hopped on our side, they ran and jumped over the other neighbor's fence and then circled around and did it again. I didn't think anything of it and finished what I was doing. I went to go sit in my chair that's near the window facing the road when what did my eyes see? But the same group of brats all handcuffed and sitting on the lawn across the street from us!

Oh, heck yeah!! Book em Dano!

Cops were all over the place. I'm guessing that they were trying to nab a few other kids. The daycare next to us had kids out but they hustled them indoors right quick. All of this while I was yelling from the safety of closed doors that justice has prevailed!

The running commentary we came up with was hilarious. Probably inappropriate, but hilarious none the less. It's not that I'm heartless because these kids looked to be Jared's age some even younger, but it's been shocking to watch these kids total lack of respect for other people's property. They've acted like they own the neighborhood. One of the moms was out there yelling at her kid, and rightfully so, but why wasn't she on these kids months ago? Before school started these kids were horrible and were out at all hours of the night.

They were out there for a looong time and it was a cold day. Watching their behavior and body language, they weren't repentant for whatever it was they got busted over which floors me. So I didn't find it surprising that they were cuffed and stuffed into the multiple squad cars and hauled away. I did comment as the scene cleared that I hope this wakes the little jerks up. Time will tell. I did quote from Home Alone - "Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal." as the last car pulled away.

Not going to lie - I laughed about the whole thing for days. And I did find it funny that my mom said that I wasn't being very nice by laughing at someone else's misfortune. I did correct her that it wasn't a misfortune, but it was a consequence to multiple actions. I could tell we weren't going to agree so I made sure to change the subject. I've gotten really good at doing that - guess it's one more thing to be thankful about.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

As The Chicken Clucks

On this episode of As The Chicken Clucks:

Something is clearly foul, because my feathers are thoroughly ruffled. Examples of said ruffling are as follows:

1) Had aunt flow show up and do jumping jacks on my uterus leaving me to crawl to the medicine cabinet and down a Midol or 3. And what joyous timing because I had to go grocery shopping.

2) Let me state that again, I had to go grocery shopping. I will give the guys huge kudos because they were able to keep up with me and armed the carts as I tossed things in their general direction. I call it sharpening their hand/eye coordination, but really I was just trying to wade through the masses and grab what we needed and get out. Thankfully they are use to this treatment and was able to snatch everything out of the air before it smacked them and/or innocent bystanders in the head. I have some sharp peeps, either that or they are terrified of getting creamed with a can of corn.

There was almost a throw down in the soup aisle. Started off with some lady had her cart blocking everyone off so her sister could dig through all the soup cans to get what she wanted. Too bad that wasn't gonna work for Ethel because she tried to shot-put Ed through the masses to get what she wanted. We were pinned so survival instincts kicked in and we just stood very still until the carnage settled down. No one was maimed so we live to fight another day. Although Jared did get a little too huggy with me and I yelled at him to back off and he scurried away. Hey, he was warned and he kept smacking that last nerve and then thought it was funny when I growled.

3) And this is the weirdest one. The other night we were watching House. (Why we get stuck on shows where I have to spend most of the time hiding behind a pillow so I don't barf and/or pass out remains a mystery to me.) So there we were watching as I was trying not to dry heave while they were operating on someone, when there was banging on the door.

Odd.

Fred opens the door to answer it only to discover cops there with a search warrant and an arrest warrant for someone who we don't know but claims to be living here. This person had a looong list of crimes and the cop said this gal had used many addresses.

Naturally, you have to pick our address. Yet another reason why I don't like rentals.

So Officer Don't Mess With Me Or I Will Club You To Death demanded to search the place. Search away because she's not here and clearly I don't look like Shaniqua, nor do we look like the type to hang out with her at the local weave shop. But what I didn't appreciate is that they kept asking us over and over how long we had been here. Feathers were starting to fly as he kept insisting that we knew her. Plus, we had to show our id to prove we lived here. Right, because I always break in to a place and sit down to watch episodes of House on DVD. Really?

Honestly, I expected this type of stuff from the ghetto house and I can't say as I'm surprised about it from this neighborhood either. But I found it rather unprofessional that the guy couldn't own up to the fact that she gave them the wrong address (shocking that a criminal with a long record tends to do that) and kept acting like it was our fault. This really doesn't help the paranoia that runs in the family. I can't wait to tell my mom about it and watch her go off about the conspiracy of it all. Should make for a festive holiday discussion. She's already giddy because Grandma decided she wanted to go to my cousin's house instead, which is fine with everyone.

I'm still amazed that I was actually devoid of all sarcasm in that actual moment and didn't say much, which is rather rare. And bonus points, I didn't have a panic attack of yore so no actually clucking was done. This must be a sign of progress. Although we're all doomed if I ever run into situations like this with my sassy panties on AND full sarcasm mode set to level high. Good thing aunt flow waited until today to show up because that could have gone down badly. Because I really don't want to wear ghetto bracelets while be dragged away to camp no we can't get along.

After the cops left, we all looked at each other and cracked up laughing. We are a strange bunch. And I have to shake my head in confusion as to why we seem to get hit with the weirdest stuff. Maybe this is a sign that more good stuff is coming? This stuff doesn't happen to normal people. Which means we have actual proof that we aren't even normal. Not like this is a big shock. But it still seems sort of strange and sad all at the same time. Weird.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Pass The Cranberry Sauce And Call Me A Turkey

I am in the middle of holiday pre-pre-preparations. And by that I mean I am trying to make up my flipping mind what it is I'm going to do. Because Hubby dear's schedule took a swan dive off the cliffs of insanity and has left me saying poop.

The hospital that he works at is in the process of moving to a new facility, and if you know Fred you know dude can organize like crazy and works hard and long. His name came up a few times on who was going to be on the crew to do things. Which he knew this going in and we're all on board. It's just that I thought he was going to be at his normal clinic for the holiday party they throw and had things planned out. But now he won't bet there.

Well, okay then.

To try and make sense of this - the crew he normally works with is 3 other techs and 2 pharmacist and then we have adopted Nurse Dianne. I am so bad at blogging I now feel like I need to back up and explain things but sadly, I'm not. Simply because I got to get dinner going here shortly. But the total is 6 people to make up some serious goodies for and I had a plan. Besides, I now have a reputation to uphold. Either that or I need therapy because it just screams someone like me for all my baking goodness!

The hospital crew is a lot more than that and the thought of making up serious goodness times a lot of people makes me go hide under the table and holler ba-humbug! So now I feel all kinds of angst and not sure what to do. Like more so than normal angst.

But before I can really stress over that - Thanksgiving will soon be upon us. I'm amazed my folks have gotten better at giving me more time than 2 days warning that they are coming. They will also have my grandma. I've been wondering how she's doing. This is the first holiday season without grandpa and I can't imagine how down she must be feeling. Hoping we can cheer her up. If we can do that I feel like some sort of an award should be handed to us. She is as happy as an out of joint bone.....on a cold day....when joints ache. Exactly. Plus she doesn't really care for my mom either.

I'll let you stop and ponder that joyous little circle of gloom. I'll even permit you a giggle or five so long as I can join in. Secretly, of course, less they hear us and make our lives miserable.

Where was I? Ah yes, trying to get my turkey on. The downer is this place is a lot smaller and we're packing in extra people and for whatever reason that makes me get cranky. I don't like smaller living spaces. I think it reminds me too much of the apartment we lived in when the guys were little. I mean this place is so small - we aren't going to do a tree this year. I have an idea I saw on Pinterest but I'm still trying to get Fred on board with it. We shall see what his royal awesomeness comes up with because I got nothing.

Gobble, gobble!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Holla!

I have been doing backstrokes in the pond of smugness the last couple of days. The twins have turned 18! We actually made it! If you would have told me 10 years ago that it was going to turn out okay and we would all survive and not kill each other, I would have accused you of smoking crack. Hey, it's possible. I don't know you that well.

But this means that I now have 2 adult children. And I'm still not sure how I feel about it, I mean, I'm still in my 30s. Granted, that number is going to roll over to a higher level here before too long, but it is so weird to think I have adult children. Especially when they will all pile on me when I cook their favorite meal. But I am just months away from crossing the finish line that I am both giddy and weepy. Or as the guys would say, it's just another day living with this crazy woman.

It was a bit sobering when their selective service numbers showed up a couple days before the blessed event. I guess that is the only government department that works ahead of schedule. Not thrilled with it but nothing we can do other than me crossing my fingers and praying like mad that the draft will never see the light of day again. I'm grateful for the men and women who make that choice to serve but it's a hard pill to swallow when you don't have a choice.

Anyhoo -

We've had epic craziness - took them to see Tim Hawkins and we laughed so hard our faces hurt. Sissy was with us so that amped up the crazy. It's been a fun week. I just see more and more of the men they are becoming and at times I'm amazed and other times I just roll my eyes and shake my head while laughing. They've both turned a corner these last couple of years, and it has given this weary momma's heart a surge of relief. This semester is quickly coming to an end and just one more to go and they are done!!

We haven't decided who is more excited about this - them or me. I think I'm the front runner.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

I'm Thinking Of A Word....Or Two

It may be shell shocked or zombie apocalypse - both are fitting. I'm not sure which one I'm feeling or resembling.

I've wanted to blog about a trillion things, but sadly I don't have the time. When I do get the time, I'm only half awake and goodness knows I have enough blog posts that should be filed under junk. I had this whole post going off about all this political junk and how frustrating this supposed affordable health care isn't, and how concern I am because people don't realize just how mean and nasty the IRS can be when they have someone in their sights. But from what I've read just about everyone is fed up with all this stuff too and I would just be another voice.

 I've also had a truck load of stuff God's been teaching me and how stronger I am and the wow moments I've had, not to mention how awesome the guys are doing and how humbling it is to see our years of hard work to see some mighty fine men emerging. But.....I....just haven't had the time.

I've tried to write a few posts but I end up going in several directions and then can't tie it off and just sound really long winded. Which sounds like a normal post but toss in that lack of time factor and you can see what a pickle I'm in.

First off, no one ever prepared me for how flipping busy I would be with teenagers. All this last year school stuff, driver's training, people wanting to be fed all the time - it has left me dragging. The schedule has been so crazy that I've had to start grocery shopping during the day with just the guys for one week at a time. I think we're saving money - I'm not sure. We are getting it done a lot faster but the downer is I'm stuck going to the store every.single.week.

Please take note that I am not thrilled with doing this and have to about punch myself in the face to keep me from quitting and running away from home. Due to smaller refrigerator and lack of storage space, I've had to do things differently and really don't have much of a choice. Fred is trying, but failing, at keeping this happy turn of events to a dull shine. He's stuck doing all the driver's training until they can handle driving down a road without freaking out. Goodness knows, we do not need me with a couple of freaked out drivers. This traffic is crazy enough as it is and I'm pretty sure my nerves couldn't handle that much stress. So I picked up the slack by letting him off the hook with groceries. I think it's a win, win.

Although, I'm not sure we should be allowed out in public without some sort of supervision. Lets face it, Fred is the calm one of this crazy train.

We were at Cracker Barrel a couple months ago and while we were waiting, I was looking at stuff with the guys trailing me around. A lady noticed this and joked that I had my own protection detail. The guys thought this was funny and have ran with it ever since. Every time I go to get in a vehicle I hear one of them say in a super low voice, "sector 4 is all clear". On and on this joke goes. So imagine the four of us out shopping in stuffmart where you really do need some sort of security with you. Not going to lie - the hilarity is rather awesome. Especially when Jared stopped a couple aisle hogs and told them I needed to get by. I wasn't sure if I should smack him or thank him. It's when he said all clear is when I started cracking up laughing.

I haven't written stuffmart posts in a long time simply because it is a lot different in a big city. I've taken more of a military approach - get in, get out, and hopefully not get dismembered in the process. The worst part is coming back out to the parking lot because that's when people come up to you asking for money and we've had a bag get swiped once. Having less carts to deal with during daylight has gone better. Michael snagged the last rotisserie chicken for me and had that sucker tucked under his arm dodging people like it was a football game.

Okay, slight exaggeration, but you're getting the picture. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

The funny thing is that the guys really have stepped up in a lot of areas. It's been weird. Parenthood can leave you feeling like you're trudging, or at the very least just trying to survive. So it can be a challenge to remember to take the hands off and let them do it. And here's the shocker - I'm not the worst offender. Things have been so crazy busy that we need more hands to get stuff done, so they've had to step in. Older two are doing great and this gives me hope that the younger one will catch up.

Because he is still 14 and I'm not sure if his brain is fully functioning. It also doesn't help that he is now taller than his brothers by a hair.

Can you smell the angst from there?

Trust me, it gets a bit thick at times. And I'm not talking about their laundry either.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Up, Up, And Away!

When we last left our heroine, she was up to her eyeballs in laundry (nothing new) and was ready to take off. She had an incredible time. So incredible that she is still trying to process all of it's...well....incredibleness. Sadly, time would not allow her to dwell on it and ended up getting rid of her spawn for a glorious weekend that went by waaay too fast.

I seriously wonder what is wrong with you empty-nesters. This peace and quiet and not having to shovel dishes out of the sink every flipping day is what you whine and complain about? Because why?!? I told my mom later that it was glorious and not something to dread as I was led to believe. She told me she feels the same way but wasn't going to clue me in on the fact that this is awesome because she didn't want to hurt my feelings that she really enjoyed the fact that my brother and I have moved out.

Well, okay then.

The guys all had their own weekend of incredibleness - at least the twins did. They are still processing what all God laid on their hearts. They got to go through another round of name that twin. Thankfully, neither one pulled the "hey, are you guys twins?" with a "nope, you're just seeing double." It has happened a few times. But they are maturing faster than a speeding bullet. As in I walked into the kitchen to discover Nicholas made himself half a pot of coffee and announced he liked it.

As if that boy needed any more get up and go juice.

I'm trying to convince Michael to try some. So far he is resisting. It's not like I like the stuff, but if it could get him to move faster than his morning crawl, than I am all for it and will buy all forms of coffee paraphernalia.

J made more money and this last weekend while his brothers and dad went out hiking, he conned me into taking him shopping to spend some of his money. I'm going to totally own up to the fact that I enjoyed dragging my feet to get to where HE wanted to go and then proceeded to whine and complain if he was done yet. He glared at me while I grinned back and pointed out just how annoying that was to hear....the entire time we were at the store.

Hey, don't give me that look. He totally sowed it, so I was helping him reap it. It was my thought that maybe it would break him from being a whining brat that he seems to still be doing. I swear he is 14 going on 12 verses the other 2 are 17 going on 25. And J has shot up a couple inches in just a couple months and his voice has lowered by a lot. It messes with my head. I thought he was Nicholas. As if 2 of them don't mess with my head already, we are now tossing the other one into the mix.

This ought to be interesting.

And by interesting, I mean I wonder if I'll still be able to form complete sentences.

I'm thinking our heroine needs some more time for life to slow down a bit for her to finish processing some stuff. Fingers crossed that the schedule for October won't be as crazy as the schedule was for September.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I Did Mention September Was Booked Out, Right?

Because life apparently didn't get the memo. I feel like I'm walking around with a calendar and a list trying to keep everything straight. We haven't lost anyone or forgotten anything yet so that's progress, right?

School is going good....ish. The older 2, having done everything in previous years, has a ridiculously light load verses J is having to pay the piper with 8th grade stuff. He's not happy with a lot of it and doesn't like having to do everything every day. I said next year is high school and it's only going to get harder. He said I wasn't encouraging.

But he's been so busy that he's having to do a couple days work smushed into one day. Apparently, the dude is sort of a salesman. He says he just wants money and that he wouldn't pick this for a career. My dad said Jared is doing very well, takes care of the customer, and his only complaint about him is that he is hard to wake up in the morning. Gosh, I don't know where the child got that from. *cough, cough*

I did find it hilarious when my dad said that the girls were flocking to Jared and he just acted like they didn't exist. Dad said they made extra sales because the girls would drag their dads over to try the sauce while they batted their eye lashes at the clueless boy. Plus, the booth right next to theirs had three girls with their mom who was selling candles. My understanding is that the girls were really trying to get his attention, which just made him ignore them even more. Guess it was a viscous cycle. He said take two of Sissy and shove her into one and that's how spastic they were times three. Couldn't stop laughing.

Speaking of Sissy, she's on her way here now as it is girls weekend and we are off to Joyce Meyer's Women's Conference tomorrow. I should be packing but I'm waiting on the dryer. Right now the place is a mess and I'm leaving it all behind. Muwahaha!

I'll have the piper to pay when I get back because next weekend J will be selling BBQ sauce again and N and M will be off at a teens retreat with church. There will be lots of scrambling as everyone is going in different directions. But it sort of just dawned on me that next weekend I will be kid free! Not gonna lie, the giddiness is getting out of hand. I think there is something going on the weekend after that as well, but that's too far out for me to be concerned with at the moment. I'm sure I'll be panicking before too long but that is neither here nor there.

TTFN!

Monday, September 2, 2013

And So....

With a box of tissue in my hand, we are starting the twins' senior year. Not gonna lie, I've been all over the place emotionally. Frankly, I'm a bit concern that I'm still walking around singing "Akuna Mutata" rather than my usual "Lets Get Down To Business".

This can't be a good sign.

Normally, I'm all trying to get everyone geared up. Right now I'm suffering from epic fail. Fred - sensing that I wasn't on top of things has been trying to get me in the swing of it. And by swing, I mean he pulled out all the school stuff himself and after a few half-hearted grunts and finger points on my end, he figured out who got which books and made the schedule.

Personally, I feel like doing a victory lap right now. I'm not even across the finish line, but in my line of thinking, this is close enough. I told the guys they better have ambition for both of us because I got nothing going right now.

I'm hoping I'll get into the swing of things here. September just showed up and no joke, the month is already booked out. How did that happen?!? I feel like I should apologize to my two readers that I think I'm going to be a blubbering mess this year. I may try to keep it together, then again, when have I ever been able to do that?

Everything just feels so serial. I look at my boys - correction - men, and I'm humbled that we've made it this far and that they've turned out this good. I'm typing this while they are out practice driving with their dad. Jared just got back Saturday night after being gone for a few days. It's weird because everything has shifted. It's a new season with the guys and it will never be the way it used to be. Part of me is happy and part of me is sad.

We can all nod our heads and say, yes, time does go quick. But when you are standing real close to the finish line, you're brain is freaking out for everyone to just slow the heck down, for Pete's sake! I don't know who Pete is and why his sake is in peril, but why does Time have to kick it into overdrive? Especially when I was hoping for a nice leisure pace.

Going to go watch a movie. Not sure which one yet, but we're going to squeeze the last few hours of our summer before facing the next chapter. Wonder if I can sneak in a girly movie so no one will question why I'm sobbing like an idiot? Probably not. But worth a shot.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Cricket, Cricket

And that is more than the comment section.

Seriously, where did everyone go? I have tons of people viewing my posts but no one says anything? Well, okay then. I'll just sit here and watch my ego shrivel up some more. Actually, it's shark week as I'm now referring to that time of the month, so that may explain all the emotions and angst. I had cramps so bad it felt like early labor. I haven't experienced that in many, many years, so you can imagine my surprise and had to take pain relievers like they were tic-tacs.

Side note, don't call generic Tylenol - Tylenol, because some pharmacy tech snob will go off about how it's a totally different drug because Tylenol isn't Ibuprofen. And do not have the words to express how much I don't care that I'm calling it by the wrong name, just hand me the stupid thing to make my pain go away or I'll let you feel some of it. Ahem!

Bet you wished you were here.

You really wouldn't want to be because as my Facebook friends know - there is a cricket around here and we are at war.

The little twerp has been hiding out in the back area where all the storage and laundry stuff is at and I haven't been able to find him to put him out of my misery. For weeks, I just turn on a fan and it drowns out his happy little song as it won't shut up all night long. Gosh, maybe it's a female cricket. That might explain some things.

Anyhoo and what have ya, I gave the guys haircuts and had all the lights on in this area and didn't get them shut off until we were heading to bed. Crickets don't like a lot of light especially at night, so crawled it's way over to a shelf that was right near my side of the bed. And then sang like it was audition night for American Idol. Right near my head. All.night.long.

I think it was about 3 in the morning I started tossing shoes at the shelf to try and scare the thing quiet. It sort of worked.....for like 10 seconds and then away it went. By 4 a.m. I got up and in my sleep deprived mind thought it was in the shelf, so ripped everything off the shelf poised with shoe ready to send that diva to the great cricket chorus in the sky. I only ended up scaring the crap out of Fred.

Turns out the stupid bugger was behind the shelf that weight a ton and I couldn't move it. So there is Fred looking at me with his own bleary sleep deprived eyes, taking in the scene of my crazy self with clothes and things piled around my feet, shoe swinging through the air ready to strike while I cursed the bug's very existence. I'll give him credit that he didn't bust out laughing. He was probably too sleepy to put that much thought into it. But he did manage to ask what in the world was I doing?

I looked at him as I banged my shoe on the shelf that I knew that little jerk of a bug was hiding behind, waiting for the lights to go out again so it could sing it's second verse of "I Will Go On". He raised his eyebrow and asked again to which I replied it should be obvious that I'm trying to kill a cricket. A noisy cricket that won't shut up. I did look at him and started to say, since you are up, help me kill this sleep stealer but dude just flop back on the bed and quickly rolled over.

My hero.

I'm pretty sure I gave the bug some sort of trauma, because after I shoved everything back on the shelf, flipped off the light but kept a shoe close enough to zing it should the need arise, I didn't hear anything until it woke me back up around 7.

I'm sure I was a lovely picture of not with it at church. The Spackling that I used known as make-up had it's work cut out for it that day. I did sit there and sort of compose my message to the cricket that sort of followed the lines from the movie Taken. And that's how I ended up with "Dear cricket that kept me up most of the night - I have a very particular skill set that makes me a nightmare for insects like you. (It's called a shoe) Leave my house now and you can live. Otherwise, I will find you, I will kill you, and the last thing your cricket eyes will see is my face twisted in maniacal laughter as my shoe crushes your head...and everything else. You've been warned."

That night, not one sound was to be heard in any area of the house. Thinking victory was mine, I could feel my smugness rising to new levels. Until I went to bed last night where it was happily singing away back near the dryer.

Jerk.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Vroom, Vroom!

The last few weeks have been speeding right by. Matter of fact, everything is going a bit too fast for me. I think Fred has given up how many times he's heard me say, "I'm not ready for this" to "I don't think we're old enough to be going through this" in just the last month.

We got the guys a car. They were too cute about the whole thing. We just got them their own set of keys and while it's been fun and exciting to see them on this next stage, behind close doors I'm just a wreck. I go from being over the moon happy for them to downright depressed. I think some of it was we're having to battle our car insurance company. They insist we have them covered on all our vehicles to the tune of 2,153 for 6 months of coverage. After I talked Fred off the ledge and he picked me up off the floor, we came up with plan B which is they can have their own insurance coverage once they're 18.

All this talk has turned to the guys getting jobs, phones, and opening bank accounts. Granted, this is normal and I had a paying job since I was 15 to a couple months before I popped them out, so felt we were behind on that curve. But since life has refused to cooperate with my plans and things being out of my hands, I shrugged it off. So now I feel like we have all these life lessons are screaming in and smacking me upside the head.

So not ready for all of this.

Plus, we've had a zillion things going on to boot. I've been canning relish, went to a book sale and a bridal shower, survived a few days with my mom, still a bit stiff and sore from another epic badminton marathon, and just finally got the last of our stuff ordered so we can start school here shortly.

No pressure.

Oh, and spent yesterday with my man as we celebrated our 19th anniversary. How is it even possible it's been that long? We've been getting a lot of requests for marriage advice lately to which we say find something to laugh about. There are some years I wish we could repeat, and some I hope never see the light of day. But no matter how bad I want to smack him upside the head with a frying pan, we both make an effort to find the funny. A stupid quote from a movie can sum up the whole situation but gets us both to laugh and take a breather, which is enough for us not to kill each other.

Although, I need some movie quote to help me cope with all this kids growing up thing. This is too much for me! I have a feeling this is going to be a crazy year and I'm not sure how to prepare for it. So far, denial is working. And lots of hours on Netflix.

Can I take a moment to tell you how much I love Netflix and how much I hate HuluPlus? And I mean like with a passion. Actually, I wouldn't be stuck with Hulu if Netflix would get on the ball and have all the seasons I'm waiting for but my denial level seems to require a lot, so to sit around waiting for a sweet forever of who knows when? - not working. Sissy got us hooked on Once Upon A Time. Bones will be kicking in which we spent the summer watching all 8 seasons. That was after we spent all winter slugging through all of 24.

Yes, I'm aware just how pathetic that sounds.

If you have actual suggestions for my denial and all it's freaking out, I am willing to slightly listen.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

T-T-Times Are Ch-changing!

Fresh new month with a now working dishwasher and in that few seconds of peace and calm, I suddenly realized I haven't finished my book order, nor finished grading papers to give the guys actually grades. Crap! And goodbye peace and calm because this tends to push me into this panic state of I'm not ready for school to start!!

And then I get mad because I feel like this thought just totally hijacked my August and it's not even a full day old. Which then makes me sort of curse school and all it's scheduling and stuff. This naturally causes me to question why do I even bother to homeschool. And we haven't even started the year and I'm freaking out.....again.

So basically since this is same thing, different year - I'm right on schedule in an odd sort of way.

However, this time I feel a slight glimmer of hope, because I think I'm having a serious moment. I was so happy about this place finally not needing someone to come work on it that I decided not to flog myself for slipping on a few things. Besides, we've been busier than normal and I think I reached this thing called I DON'T FREAKING CARE!!!

I know! I think I even scared the chicken part of myself.

There has been tons of stuff going on and if I were to list some of the great things, you know I'll get all long winded and ramble on and on and I'm trying hard to work on that. Probably because my lil Sissy is driving me up the freaking wall with giving me blow by blow details of her life. I think I sort of startled her when I interrupted one of her rants by saying, "And I gave you the impression that I care, how?"

 Nice to see I can still be a bit of a pill.

She's coming down this weekend so it's looking like a crazy few days are on deck. Plus, I had the brilliant idea of getting one of those cheapo outdoor fun pack from stuffmart. Fred took my brilliance and trumped it by 6 as he got some plastic pipes and cemented them in a couple of old ice cream buckets so the poles can slide right in and the net is always stable and steady.

All together - dang, he's good!

But we have been having a blast doing badminton. Once we finally got the hang of it, we've had hours and days of fun. So much fun that some of us have been really stiff and sore and was a little happy that it rained and we couldn't go outside to play for a few days.

Stop pointing fingers - yes, I was one of them.
And no Fred wasn't the other one - jerk.
I keep waiting for some sign of aging to appear on him and other than he's still carrying a few pounds of Christmas cookies that he used to burn off by now, that's it.

But we have discovered none of us are competitive enough to dive for the birdie to get the point. We don't even keep score. I've been told we aren't normal. Eh, we're too busy having fun to noticed. Either that or I'm still too busy with some nasty skeeter bites to pay any attention.

Although, I wish the skeeters would eat the neighborhood delinquents. We've had for the last couple months of getting punked by some neighborhood kids. We've had firecrackers tossed in our mailbox, our recycle bin dumped over, and last night they banged on our door at 3 a.m.

Fred refuses to let me have the paintball gun. 1) it's out of air, and 2) we all know since I'm involved, chances of this going epically wrong are at a high probable. He wouldn't even let me pull it out to threaten the little jerks.

I did get a little bit of revenge. Last time Sissy was down, she wanted Taco Bell so we made a quick run to the boarder and came back. She had backed into the driveway and we were sitting there talking as the sun went down and the pack of hooligans came waddling out. I'm not sure what the deal was but the dude that tossed the firecracker in our mailbox started to head towards us. It was dark enough that they didn't see us. Sissy had heard my angst about this group so when the dude lumbered towards the house, she turned on her lights and hit the horn! It was epic! Dude stopped dead in his tracks and then took off running as the rest of their crew scattered. We hadn't heard anything from them since until last night. I can't wait for their school to start so they'll leave us alone. 

However, this is sort of a bittersweet moment of being the twins' senior year. Hard to believe, but there were many years I thought it couldn't get here fast enough. I want to be done ordering books and grading papers. I want to be free to pursue some other things. It's been extremely busy getting teenagers all together. A weird balance of life experiences and book knowledge. Times of rubber meeting the road and stuff they know and having to walk it out. Lots of prayers, lots of unknowns, but a sense of newness just around the corner.

I'm reading a book called Bittersweet by Shauna Niequest. Her comment caught me a bit off guard. "Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy."

I like that!

For some reason that struck a cord with me. There are days I feel like I'll never be fully rid of bitterness so to see it in a different perspective was thought provoking and a little bit inspiring. Off to go read some more! I have been burning through books, so I am in my happy place.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Cluck-a-doodle-do!

I have no idea why I am stuck on the chicken thing. Seriously. We've had more chicken to eat in the last 3 weeks that the guys have requested all things hamburger. Not sure if this is a sign or what.

Show of feathers, I mean hands - who's surprised that the dishwasher was NOT installed this last weekend? Anyone? Personally, I would have been more surprised if it would have happen because like that would be a first. Brandon, sensing that his ears were going to get pecked to death, had the guy installing the dishwasher call me to schedule when he could come out.

Chicken.

The man installing the dishwasher wasn't aware of the crazy woman he called because he told me how my patience is going to be rewarded because he was picking up an nice used white dishwasher that very moment and it had my name on it. He wasn't really prepared for when I muttered, "as if I had a choice." Dude will be here tomorrow to install it. I have his number already programmed and ready to speed dial.

In other news, the guys are now legal drivers. I think I was more nervous than they were. Got it all done and huge relief that stage 1 is over. On to the next phase! That screaming noise you might hear might be from them or me - or maybe both.

This should be some interesting blog fodder. And I'm now seriously thinking about binge drinking to be unable to do the road testing part. I'm still freaked out by 465 which is the circle of crazy. I promised the guys it would be a while before we made them get on it. What they failed to over look is my definition of "a while" is open to a loose interpretation.

Revenge! Thy name is sweet!

Totally kidding! I want them confident not terrified so they don't kill me in the process.

As if this day couldn't get any more exciting - we're off to go grocery shopping.

Hold me.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Hell Hath No Furry Like A Ticked Off Chicken

Cluck-a-doodle-do! Rise and shine, for thy beak is ready to peck the flesh off of a jerk of a property owner. Actually, it's the maintenance manager but no one is doing anything about it. Because this Chickie went a bit postal today.

Lots of flapping and squawking finally got the a/c working AND the bathroom is mostly finished. I was told someone would come out and trim the bathroom and seal the floor. As sure as I'm sitting here, I know they were lying through their tooth.

You read that right.

The rest of the downstairs has no trim and they've done nothing to the concrete floor. So why they thought I was going to believe them that would actually finish off the bathroom when they never finished off the rest of the place is beyond me. Let's put it this way - their crappy work was a lot to be desired and having a husband that was in construction in different areas for lots and lots of years? He's still muttering, and I think he actually sprained his eyebrow. It was that bad.

I was slightly amused that I have a reputation as I heard some of the guys talking about the office manager doesn't like me. Ask me if I care. Go ahead - ask! Hell to the no! She's the chick that I got into a slight cat-fight with over the phone. So I guess she's been telling the guys what a pill I am. For a month, I've had to be up and dressed early every day because I never knew when someone would show up. My favorite was when they arrived at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday just to walk through the place to make a list of what needed to get done. Trouble with that was they were the third round of guys who already did this and yet none of them where the group to actually do the work.

She promised they would call before they showed up. Not.one.time. I still think I deserved an award for how fast I leaped out of bed, threw on my clothes and bolted for the door before the jerks took off. Because goodness knows when these idiots would come back out.

Brandon, the maintenance guy, and I clearly hate each other and we don't bother to hide this on the phone. Trouble is he's always on speaker phone and I since I have some of my mother's paranoia genes running through my veins, I'm often wondering - who's there listening? Since I've had people use my edited emails against me, I just don't trust people to be on the up and up. Thank you churches of Michigan - that is what you have taught me. Can't trust anyone.

Gosh, it's such a shock why I will NEVER MOVE BACK THERE! Goodbye Egypt! Good luck with the plague and all that.

Anyhoo....

Brandon called this morning as we are still waiting for a new dishwasher. Although, I'm under no delusion that these cheap jerks will actually put in a new one. They've sent 4 round of guys to check the stupid thing out. Here's a clue geniuses - it doesn't work! We were told to just run a cleaner through it and when we told them we did, four times with no results. That's usually when Cletus, Otis, JimBob, Earl, and/or Hank all came to the brilliant opinion that gosh, we need a new one.

This has been going on for well over a month with just the dishwasher so yes, the bitterness, the angst, and all around general fury is at an all time high.

I talked to a guy who was supposed to replace the dishwasher last week but he wanted to color coordinate with the other appliances and didn't have any white ones. Not to mention he was planning on going on vacation so shucky-darn, it would have to be done Monday. Monday came and went - nothing. Tuesday came and went - still nothing. Phone calls were made and that's went Brandon called back.

His southern drawl was so dead to me and after listening to him hem and haw for a few minutes, I spat out I don't care about the stupid color, I just want a dishwasher that works! He said there were no white ones available to which I repeated myself I didn't care about color. I tried to nail him on a time frame to which he said it would be a few days to a week. I shot back that I was told that a week ago and I was calling because I was already told another one would have been installed by now.

Score 1 for me!

His long pause reeked of busted and tried to push the blame off his sorry shoulders and wanted to know who I talked to so he could say that was out of his hands. Me, chicken feathers flying by this point, shot back not my job to get this squared away or to remember who was in charge especially since I've had a whole crew of people trample through the place with little to show for it. He said he would make a few phone calls, which I parted with a 'ya, you do that.' and hung up.

2 minutes later he called back and real snotty like said I should have a dishwasher by the weekend and then hung up on me! I think I stared at my phone for a few minutes trying to process what just happened. But I'm pretty sure I may have won....at least we'll see if I've won if I have a working dishwasher by the weekend.

I then spent the next 15 minutes hopping around the kitchen, squawking like a chicken, flipping off my phone, and calling the guy all kinds of.....um, interesting....uh, names. Colorful names and what he could do with himself with different instruments of pain. Jerk.

But I've spent the rest of the day trying to calm my feathers down. So far, it's not working.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

I Don't Think I Can Come Up With A Title For This Mess

Been an interesting few days. And by interesting I mean Fred had to take over and said, 'get it done or we're contacting a lawyer.' Cuz that's how he rolls. I'm still fluffing my feathers.

Although, I did get into a bit of a cat fight on the phone. I can call it a cat fight as there was close to hissing noises involved on both ends. I was told that the a/c guys might not be out until Thursday as emergencies come first and I may have gone off that we are now an emergency or we're gonna sue your arse if you don't do your freaking job. Cuz I guess that's how I roll.

What can I say? She caught me at a bad time. Nothing will unhinge a person more than when they have sweat sliding down both their butt crack and their bewb crack. Not to mention she's called like 4 times in the last month to say someone would come out only to have no one show for various reasons. I even pointed this out to her and she didn't appreciate this observation and got a bit snippy with me.

Clearly, she's new here.

I wish I knew what it is exactly I said, because the a/c guys were out here by 10 a.m. Which I do find funny because the bathroom guys were supposed to be here at that time which they turned out to be a no show. So when they knocked on the door and said they were for the a/c, I may have squealed in delight which sort of scared them....a bit.

But they got it all up and running and we have sweet cool air flowing through the house. I'll leave off how irony decided to show up for the party by having a thunderstorm blow through knocking the temp down to the low 70s. I don't care, I'm still running the a/c. This house doesn't get air flow through it no matter how many windows and doors we leave open. Plus half the windows don't have screens.

I'm now washing up every one's bedding to try and get rid of the nasty sweat smells.

I'm hoping everyone will be able to sleep well tonight. No one has gotten much sleep from all the sweating which leads to tossing and turning. Needless so say, angst has been on a slow boil. Always a lovely mix when teenagers are involved. Especially when one of them has hormones more unstable than my own. Which I'm about ready to smack him. I can almost say it's not entirely his fault. Anytime I try a new vitamin and/or supplement, it throws my whole cycle off track. This leaves those grumpy 'I want to kill you all' type feelings that we use to know when they would show up, to now take on more of a ninja form where it's any one's guess.

Never a dull moment around here.

Especially when the 14 yr old doesn't have enough sense to not slap the angry/hormone crazed bear.

I'm sure this is penance as I have mild flashbacks of doing similar things to my mother.....and I'm still not sorry about it.

 Maybe I can get a therapist to take pity on me and take my case on for free.

Speaking of free and therapy - my adopto sissy was down for the weekend. We were talking about bewb sweat and bewby holders and what have you. There is an article going around that has been on both Facebook and Pinterest about getting properly measured. I was telling Sissy this and how it has made me have happy bewbs now since I was wearing the wrong size. I'm still floored about it because I thought the lady was totally making this stuff up when I read the article.

Long story slightly short, I made her measure herself and showed her how her bewby holder wasn't doing her girls any favors. So the quest for bewby holders was on and her skinny little self can't even get her size at a normal store, but we stayed the course and found some for her at Vickie's den of devils.

(We know she has no secrets. Just saying)

She now sends me text messages that her bewbs are happy and loves me - in a non creepy way. I think Oprah said like 90 some percent of women are wearing the wrong bra size which I didn't believe. Gasp! I know! I think I broke some sort of girl code for not believing Oprah. Turns out, she was right and I was one of them.

So now in spite of all the other crap going on, I will now have cool, happy bewbies. Because bewb sweat is just unpleasant.

I was telling Fred all of this and it was a train of thought that turned out like -
Me: Do you think the word cleavage is made up?
Fred: *pause* why?
Me: Because boob crack seems a bit out there.....especially if she has a lot of boob.
Fred: *rolls eyes*

He is a patient soul.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

A Bit Of This And That

Big shock - nothing has been done. I did finally get up the nerve to write a nasty-ish letter to go with our rent check. I am setting the stage. We've done the 500 phone calls of nothing to show for it, so I've moved on to the letter of you better do something.

I am chicken - hear me cluck!

Besides, the guy I'm suppose to call doesn't answer my phone calls. I'm still working up the nerve to squawked out a mild observation of this is violating Indiana code followed by a veiled threat of possibly contacting a lawyer. I just want them to do their job and get stuff done. I understand being busy, but what I don't understand is the excuse after excuse to just down right not doing it. How many times do you have to call before someone just does their job? And I can not stress enough how I really, really don't want to go to court for one more flipping thing!

Makes me so mad I could just spit. That is if I could actually spit instead of the dribble of shame that may or may not lob off my chin. So classy.

My FIL made it out to collect Clifford the big, red work truck. He was super happy, but then guilt moved in and he felt bad about it for reasons that escape me. I told him if he was that bothered by it he could find a car for the boys to learn to drive in. I'm actually hoping he does it. I told Fred I have decided I like my Blazer too much to let newbies drive it. Not to mention if I were in their shoes, I would be begging not to learn to drive that hog. This leaves Fred's vehicle which isn't exactly a car plus he's working. We shall see. Right now I'm still having to get them to actually read the driver's manual to actually pass their test.

Speaking of that - I think I may have caused a stir. Jared is in the throws of 14 year hormone hell. One day he was super grumpy, which is soooo not him. The next day he was super clingy where he would tackle people to snuggle them. The day after that was a wicked combination of the two. Dude is taller than Michael and is quickly gaining on Nicholas much to his delight. The smugness almost cost him his life a couple times.

So. He observes his brothers reluctance to driving. I stupidly made the comment that maybe I should have Jared read it and give them the highlights. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Words can not express what a colossal mistake that turned out to be, because Jared ran with it. I think he read almost the whole thing and then started tossing out "did you know?" fun facts about driving much to the angst of his older brothers.

That boy is either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid.

Now he pipes up from the way back of the vehicle about different rules for driving. You might want to pray for him. I thought it was going to come to blows and that was after he started commenting on my driving. The child has inherited not only my sarcastic mouth but also the ability to cluck like a chicken. So he'll start something and then take off squawking like a chicken of pleas not to kill him with feathers flying with his brothers hot on his heels, batting away the feathers.

If only I could afford to drink, because goodness knows I have the motivation.

My mom happened to call shortly after this and I was sort of boo-hooing about it, and of course, the woman offers absolutely no sympathy whatsoever. Instead she cackled that I did the same thing to my brother and she took great delight in how things go around.

Me, being me, took that moment to point out that hopefully said brother would be paroled in time to cart her butt all over the place like she is with her MIL. The cricket chirps were rather deafening.

Welp. If I'm going to be spending quality time repenting, I might as well make it worth while.

I got an email from my MIL. That cross-stitch picture I was supposed to get done for mother's day but didn't - sent it along with FIL. She loved it, which I was relieved. Darn thing gave me fits. Never underestimate that when you use like 15 shades of green with just a few stitches here and there, it will eat up your time. But glad it's done and she liked it.

I am still struggling with my time management. I can't say as I'm entirely surprised especially since I get easily distracted by things, but I still find it frustrating that the list of things I need to do aren't getting done. I'm stuck here waiting on different people who are supposed to show up and do their job. So as the days creep by with nothing to show for it, it's carrying over to other areas. I finally can go off and run errands only to not be able to as I wait for others.

Oh irony, I really hate you at times. And please, take that personally.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Mother, May I?

This last weekend - which sounds so far away rather than just two days ago - I was around my mother. My motha. I know, right? We'll just give this as a testimony to God's ability to pin me to the mat, deal with some issues, and move on. Because how else can you explain this?

I get an email from my dad who all but begging me to come up and babysit my mom. Dude is still selling BBQ sauce and again, I can't link to it because I really don't want anyone to link back to this blog and put two and two together, because funny thing about that? It always equals four.

Like, every time.

I guess he overbooked himself and mom was going to be by herself, selling BBQ sauce, in 90 degree heat. I just re-read that sentence and I cracked up laughing all over again. I told you people, my life is stranger than fiction. How can I even say this with a straight face? Oh, that's right. I'm not. I'm laughing.

Long story short, there was some pleading/begging. Last time my mom was out in 90 degree weather, she had a seizure which was on the heels of her having a stroke. Naturally, dad was a bit worried about leaving her by herself.

When I received this email, I looked over at my people and knew - KNEW I was out of luck. I casually tossed out this information and sure as day, a lot of 'sucks to be her' and 'good luck with that' comments was tossed right back. I didn't want to do this. I could think of 20 other things I would rather do and washing out the garbage pail ranked higher.

There I was, dangling between not wanting to and feeling this sort of odd sense of ought, when Jared, sweet Jared, piped up that he would come with me. He thought it was fun selling sauce and, no offense to me, I didn't know how it was to be done. I left off that I had to pedal my own pond water at his age thanks to all the school fund raisers, but didn't want to rock the boat and took his gracious offer.

Saturday morning arrived and out the door the two of us went. I was rather impressed on how we hustled to get there until I realized that Indiana is a bit more laid back about the speed limit. It seems to be a slight suggestion, but don't go all crazy like barreling down the road, which is night and day different from Michigan that would pull you over if they even thought you were thinking about going over the speed limit. I was over but was getting passed by semi trucks and handicap plated vehicles when I decided to just forget the cruise control and go with the flow of traffic.

Worked out fine but noticed that on the way back the flow was no where near as aggressive so had to scale back accordingly. I'm pretty sure the guys won't find this in any section of their driver's manual. I'm trying to figure out when to introduce that line of logic.

So we got to mom's, grabbed her and were on our way. We were talking away and driving along when I started blurting out "I recognized that sign!! Grandma used to work across the street, didn't she?" "Hey! They still have that building up?!?" on and on this went much to the amazement of my mom and myself. I'm pretty sure the last time I was by any of this, I was 7.

It was sort of odd because I've been struggling to feel like where the heck do I belong? I never felt like Michigan was home because it wasn't, and Indy is such a big city that it overwhelms me. I've noticed that I make no effort to reach out to people at church. I'm friendly but that's about it. I think a part of me is wondering if this is just another blimp on the road. Goodness knows, I'm trying really hard to forget the past year. So to have stuff float up from my childhood just sort of makes me get weepy for reasons I don't understand. Naturally, I handled this all mature like by shoving it aside and focusing on the task at hand.

Like how did I get roped into this anyway?

Thankfully, all their stuff was already set up. They forgot there was a parade, so we had to go way down the country road and come way back across and ended up being at the tail end of the parade and slowly crept along to get to the vending area.

It was hot. Jared did a great job. I didn't sell jack but also made no effort. I got to see a different aunt and gabbed at her for a bit, and then ran and got food/drinks, and kept my mom from getting over heated. I'm not sure when my dad got there. He was there when we came back with lemon shake ups and elephant ears. Hung out and waited for J to give me the look and then I would use that as my escape.

He never gave me the look. Dang it.

We ended up staying until closing time - 8 pm - and loaded up their van for them. We got in our vehicle, cranked the air conditioner and after 5 minutes, dude feel asleep. Well, okay then. Made my GPS have a fit because I had to pee since like noon but there was no way I was going to use a porta-potty. I deviated from her path, found a bathroom and spent a good few minutes thanking the Lord for indoor plumbing. Made it home and forced J to take a shower.

Insider tip - teenagers, especially early teenagers, are allergic to showering and/or bathing and possibly all sense of grooming. The older 2 are finally starting to realize that soap is their friend but I credit that to the fact that they have to shave on a regular basis or they about itch their face off. I see it as a win.

We got up the next day, went to church, grabbed some lunch, and went and saw the Superman movie. It turned out better than what I thought. I had no expectations for it and it turned out pretty good.

So that was that. I spent Monday doing laundry, listening to a sneak peak to Skillet's new album (love) and looking up renters rights and finding numbers for the health department. So when I call to threaten? I have my information at hand. Because the issues have not been dealt with and I was beyond annoyed. I'm about ready to put the hurt on someone. And that is strong talk for me because, really, I just rant and rave and do nothing about it. I don't know if spending the day with my mom did it or what my deal was but I woke up with war paint on and everything. So unlike me. Normally, I would be on my second batch of eggs from all the clucking and feather wringing.

No a/c, downstairs bathroom now has mold growing on the walls because it was supposed to get replaced months ago, dishwasher isn't working, and the drain is more moodier than I am. How is that even possible?!? Seriously. How can a drain back up for like 3 days and then make the mother of all drain noises where you are convinced some creature from the underworld is trying to crawl through the pipes, only to have everything back to draining just fine?

And Fred wonders why I'm a bit cranky.

So Fred called property manager, promises were made of phone calls setting time in mud because stone is just waaay too permanent and we can't be having that, now can we? But my mind was already a-whirling because angst was in full force and wasn't ready to go away. I had practiced my threats, because I can't do that on the fly, all planned out if said phone call didn't happen.

Well.

Phone call happened but it's only for the contractor to deal with moldy basement but no a/c. I was fit to be tide. And I don't even know exactly what that means. I had to spend an hour trying to figure out what to say because once you toss out violation of Indiana code and possible lawyer involvement, I'm pretty sure there is no going back.

I sat there and prayed, fumed, clucked fussed, prayed some more, practice my threats until I had it settled in my mind. Pulled on my big girl panties, strapped on my kick-some-@$$ boots, and mashed out the numbers on my phone.

Ring

Deep breath

Ring

Forgot to breathe

Ring

Tried to get caught up on my breathing, so I didn't sound like I ran up a flight of stairs

Ring

Oh good, it's going to go to voice mail - this will be an epic smack down threat

Ring

Get it together

Hello?

Crap!

Said who I was and apologies ensued forth, saying their maintenance guys are handling it but they aren't the most with it group and should be there within the next couple hours.

Well....

What can you say to that? Other than my true chicken self rose to the surface like the Phoenix of yore, enabling me to sputter out, "I don't mean to be a jerk but there was some slight confusion."

My big girl panties started to ride up my own booty chanting "Cluck, cluck, cluck!"

Honestly, I didn't realize I was such a sucker for a southern drawl telling me, "I'm so sorry ma'am, you wouldn't believe how messed up everything has been these last couple months and I promise you that you will have a/c no later than the end of the week and hopefully a new bathroom as well."

I knew I was a chicken and hated unplanned confrontation. God help you if I've had to time think about it, plan what I want to say and what points I want to get across, because I can bring it when I've had time to plan. But even I saw the wisdom of backing down the guns and not taking such drastic tactics.


My mother would be so disappointed, because her panties apparently tell her to do it as big, bad, and as drastic as possible. And it would have been done a month ago. I wonder where she shops for her panties because mine just have a bunch of feathers sticking out of them.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

So What's New With You Silent People?

Me? Been having a ball and been busy. We've been helping out a few of Fred's co-workers - everything from moving a single mom, to me running a gal to the hospital for a procedure.

Thy name is sucker.

Not really. We're trying to show that their assumption of Christians is a bit skewed. Sort of sucks to hear them talk about Christians are a bunch of jerks even though I totally agree with them, so trying to show that not everyone is like that. Needless to say, challenge accepted on changing their minds. On top of that, I'm writing 2 books sort of at the same time. A non-fiction for when I'm in a serious mood and the fiction when I feel like letting it fly.

I'm farther along with the fiction. Go figure.

Plus, I'm up to my ears in books to read. And I've finally got an area to scrapbook and I'm itching to get back into it. As Jared likes to point out at his book is so far out of date its just sad.

No pressure!

We went to the Creation Museum - had a good time. Love, love, loved the planetarium show!! I thought it was the best part of the whole thing. Michael is still going on about how comfortable the seats were. Not gonna lie - if I could have walked off with a set or two of those bad boys, it would be on! Highly recommend the place. I can't think of the word - what do you call the talking mannequins? Animation? Animatronics? Anyhoo, they did a great job. There was a bug professor that his eyes would track you - it was sort of creepy at first, but Jared got so into it that he sat there and went through the entire thing! And dude hates bugs more than I do, so that is saying a lot.

We had a lot of fun!

I wasn't sure how with it we were going to be because our stay at the hotel had us on the second floor with either a heard of people or a couple of hippos that were tramping around, back and forth, for hours. I think they got into their room by 1:30 a.m. and didn't settle down until like 3. I'm not sure how Fred slept through it, but I can tell you the rest of us didn't and the commentary was beyond hilarious. Either that or we were all slap happy. Both are possible.

After the Creation Museum, we headed off to Great Wolf Lodge. The place is geared for kids a bit younger then the guys but we still had fun. Their water park? Amazingly awesome!! Worked out well because J and I would have fried if we were outside for that long. There were a few rides that managed to remove and then reinsert my tampon. It got my attention. And now a few of you are screaming from the mental imagine you never wanted lodged in your brain.

Welcome to my world. The mental images I get on a regular basis is enough to keep me entertained for hours.

Normally, I stay clear of those cotton torpedoes, but it was the last day and better safe than sorry. Plus I was in the water, so duh. There was another ride that I'm fairly certain removed a layer of skin off my booty. We kept referring to this ride as the toilet bowl as you were launched into a bowl and swirled down a drain and shot out.

Toilet bowl.

I will now show restraint and leave off all jokes of feeling drained, a sinking feeling, and/or comments about feeling like a new turd.

I know - this is me showing restraint.

Lets just say, one should be veeeery careful how one sits in the tube and leave it at that. Or I could tell I learned really quick to pick up my booty off the slide to keep the skin intact, but I think you already got the point. I had fun going down the lazy river. I made Fred come with me and we held hands and floated along and just talked while the kids went and did their own thing. We were talking about the future and what will I do with myself once the guys are gone. I've decided I don't want to do anything normal. I'm not sure what that means but I've decided to toss normal out the window.

But we all hung out in the wave pool when we needed a break from all the stairs. Which was good because Jared and I both got a bit of heat exhaustion. Apparently, we are delicate creatures. Jared was up those stairs quite a bit and I think I stayed too long in the hot tub. I had a fever and felt like crap, and it took me 2 days to recover. Luckily, Jared bounced back faster than I did.

Took the guys to see Now You See Me and we're going to try and see Superman here shortly. We had my sudo sissy come down. I pulled a sneaky. Last time we visited my aunt, her Grammy, we were talking about these orthaheel sandals. I was asking her size and color just going with the flow of conversation. Later when I was on the way home, I got the nudge to get them for her.

Oh, the cackling with glee? It.was.on!

I sat and stared at that darn box for over a week just giddy. Plus I got some stuff for my lil sis as well. Toss in some Father's day sneakiness and I was almost overcome with being a major sneak. Exhausted, but the level of sneakiness had taken on a whole new level and I could.not.stand.it.

I almost spilled the beans a few times. Nicholas had to order me to keep it together. Oh my word. Those guys! I feel bad I haven't kept up with the nitty gritty of them just becoming more manly day by day. They are a hoot to be around. I have everyone say it's so sad I don't have girl time, but believe me when I tell you - there is never a dull moment around here! So proud of the men they are becoming. And Jared will leave you in stitches with his shenanigans! Love my guys!

We got the guys better music instruments, but it took a sweet forever for Michael's guitar to come in. So Friday rolled around with me getting up at the butt-crack of dawn to take the gal to the hospital, got home after 1 and then got the text that the guitar had indeed made it's appearance. I loaded up the guys and finished off our Father's Day shopping. Saturday arrived with me getting up early again to make a chocolate coke cake and then off to my aunts where I shocked her speechless. And then she called me sneaky several times and I even heard my full name. I'm fairly convinced had the boys not been there, I would have had a pillow smack me upside the head.

But it was epic! Had a ball blessing her. My mom called to find out the details as this is her sister, and we both got a good laugh about it. She said she would call her in a few days to hear her sister's side of it. I'm waiting on her email to tell me what was said. I think I'm enjoying this a little too much!

Had a really good day with sis - her and I went to see the same movie. I live to serve. And then Father's Day showed up and no one got up in time to go to church, so we loafed and loaded Fred up with his gifts. Jared got him a big gift bag filled with all his favorite candy. Either I over did it or dude has a lot of favorites. Both Jared and I watched him unload the bag and we both said, "how much candy did we put in there?!?"

His first guess was it was a bowling ball if that tells you anything.

And lest you think we are having too much fun, we had water in the basement again, the dishwasher isn't working, they STILL haven't install the air-conditioner, the downstairs bathroom they were supposed to fix now has mildew growing on the warped walls, and the construction trash is still out front. I get frustrated because if we're 5 days late with rent, we get evicted, but they can take a sweet forever to do something. I hope we can get a house this time next year because this renting business sucks!

And at long last, the bullet that can no longer be dodged, striking fear into our nerves - the guys are studying for their learners permit. They will have to log 50 hours of driving time before they can get their license but the moment is soon upon us. I thought for sure the rapture was going to happen first, and even though they have dragged their feet, it is time.

For some reason I now want to go get chips, salsa, and a margarita. Is that normal behavior?

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Didn't See That One Coming

May....the very, very month of May. I was taken by surprise....

I have no idea how that songs goes. But May has taken me by surprise to say the least. It has been busy! 

Guys are on summer break, I got my own new set of wheels, which has led to many an errand to be run. My new dryer is whirring quietly away. Bliss! If I overlook the fact that I'm cranking out laundry, I am happy with the quiet.

I've tried to write several blog posts to try and keep my therapy real but I ended up deleting every single one, never to show it the light of day. Who knew I actually had boundaries and stuff? Either that or I didn't feel like I could bring the post together. Which I'm sure confuses most of you because most of my posts are just weird random rants anyway.

But this month has really rocked my world. I wasn't aware that I'm so use to trudging to the point that it's so ingrained that I find all of this weird. I don't know how to describe how I've spent all month just clenched up waiting for the blow to the gut. Something really great happened and it is such a foreign concept to me that I'm having trouble processing it, and at times, accepting it.

As if I wasn't already a freak as it was - lets go and toss in a few more whack-a-do stuff, shall we?

I sort of feel bad for God because He has had to go above and beyond reassuring me lately. I just read a story about a lady's grandma was a survivor of a concentration camp and how she wolfed down food and had a hard time getting used to comfort. While I am no where near that level, I found myself sort of understanding it just a tiny bit. I'm finding it hard to mentally shift gears.

We've had some fun. As I said both of us have newer vehicles and are at various stages of waiting for titles and plates. We're giving Fred's dad Clifford the big, red work truck so there is more stages of transferring titles and I'm thrilled that it's going to be a blessing to him. We are getting the older guys new instruments which they are excited about. I can't seem to convince them to do driver's training. We have a few other fun things planned out.

But....

I find myself bracing for the bad. That's not good but I'm not sure how to stop. I'm working on it.

We f-i-n-a-l-l-y are done with the small claims stuff. Didn't really go in our favor but it could have been worse and we have the means to pay it off and move on, so I'm choosing to see this has a positive. I can say that after I whined to God about it and all He really said was owe no man anything but love. Well, okay than. Not much more I can say about that, now can I?

Several other things going on but if I were to list out everything I'm sure my own eyes would roll back into my head from all the words on the screen.

I do have a funny. One of the times my folks were down I had made a chocolate cobbler which reminded my mom of some pudding dessert thing and she wanted the recipe. I emailed it to her and thought nothing of it. Next time I talked to her she said that it turned out terrible, so I must have given her the wrong recipe.

Okay, that would so not happen and my eyebrow cocked into a say what? pose, which is never a good sign.

She went on to tell me that she was really disappointed in it and blah, blah, blah. And I had this moment where I stared at the phone because I knew what she did wrong. I wasn't sure if I should proceed or just let it slide.

The eyebrow said, she's going down!

I asked, "Mom, did you use self-rising flour?"
Her response: "Well yeah I used flour - whatever it is that's in the cupboard."
Me: "That's all purpose flour - you have to use self-rising flout."
Long pause.
Her: "It's the same thing, right?"
Me: busting out laughing
Still gasping for air
Me: "Um, nope."
Still laughing
Her: "Shut up or I'll make you my special cupcakes."

Dang! I think she just threatened to cut me.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Finally!! Some Good News!

Who would have thought I was capable of giving out good news or even having good news....or even getting near good news? Believe me, I'm still shocked about it, but nevertheless, we actually have good news.

I'm actually hoping this is a sign that maybe, just maybe, our life will stop sounding like a horrible tragedy with a side of hot mess. I can dream, can't I?

Long story really short - we got our settlement money for being wrongfully foreclosed on. And God blew us away as it was way more than what we were expecting! But it has been a gambit of emotions. I think the strongest feeling that has risen to the surface is vindication. We had so many people make snide remarks and had the opinion that it was our fault so this is nice.

The thing that is still painful is that these banks ruined people's lives and even though they had to pay - they still made millions and one report I read - billions of dollars of profit. While this is helping us out tremendously and we really are better off on this side of things - it doesn't take away the sting of losing something we poured so much into. But it does make me want to contact a few people and be all nanner, nanner - you were wrong and you still suck!

Yeah, I'm still working on a few issues.

We bought Fred a vehicle. It was a glorious experience to walk in, test drive the vehicle we wanted - not what we qualified for (and some of you know exactly what I'm talking about), write a check, contact the insurance company, signed a few things and out the door. But for now I have my van back and I got to run an errand yesterday which was super nice.

We'll be able to pay off the back rent from the neglectful property manager from the ghetto house. Because justice doesn't give a rat's butt if they are at fault only that you are at fault. Which will be nice to get that monkey off the back if we could ever get a hold of the stupid lawyer. We might get stuck going back into court to make a final agreement because they keep dragging their feet. More neglect on their end but again, doesn't seem to be a blooming thing we can do about it.

We've been super freaking busy. Got to go to the book sale again at the library. We stood outside in the pouring rain but snagged some good stuff. Had a blast with those ladies and they got me slightly addicted to Trader Joe's. We had Jared's b-day, my folks were here the other day, and my in-laws are coming in for the weekend. C-r-a-z-y! There is talk of girl shopping and someone has been praying on her shopping anointing. I cracked up laughing when my MIL sent me an email of the list of stores she wants us to go check out. Hopefully, we're going to get me a new dryer tonight because the cement mixer is really annoying me. And the guys have just wrapped up their schoolwork so we are officially on summer break!!

I am so overwhelmed right now with things not sucking that it sort of freaks me out. We've had soooo much crap happen for so long that this is sort of weird and unusual. I'll take it!! But it's still weird. Wonder if this is what normal people experience on a regular basis?

Right now we're doing the happy dance that God came through for us and in such a way that has left me speechless. Not sure who's more happy about that - Him or me.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Apparently If You Blink A Week Or Two Will Fly By

Or maybe that's a whole month. At least it certainly feels like it. It's been a crazy month and that's sort of an understatement. It's been wonderful and awful, terrific and horrible.

Oh, come on - this is me. Did you expect anything less?

Had a great stay-cation. True to form, it went by too fast. We had something for everyone. Fred and the older 2 went camping, Jared and I had a movie marathon - even got to take him to see Wreck It Ralph at the repeat theater.

Fred and I got out to have a day just for us, but it was cut short when we had to come home as the basement flooded from all the heavy rainwater. Take Lake Michigan and dump it on a city in 15 minutes and that's pretty much what happened. I'll give the guys credit for their quick thinking. They got all the electric cords off the floor and was able to move a few things out of the way.

I did mention our bedroom and family room was in the basement, right?

We had 2 more flooding episodes at 1 a.m. and at 3:30 a.m. but Fred and the mighty shop vac was able to keep on top of it. Thankfully, it was just that night that we've had flooding and even more thankful that the carpet remnants were saved. I was really worried they were going to be ruined but no mold or musty smells have remained. I was able to prop up the carpet edges and run fans so air was able to get underneath it and got the whole thing dried out pretty quickly.

We did have a few huge earthworms that were hiding under the dryer that caused me to scream and go running out of the laundry room. The guys got a good laugh about that and declared me such a girl. I'm not even sure how to answer that one other then duh! and nice to see you passed anatomy.

The comment sort of irked me and clearly it was a sign I needed to get away from the men folk. And just my luck, our church was having a ladies conference. It was weird because I'm still like Ack! People! Get away!! But since I'm bored out of my mind, have resigned myself to suck it up and go mingle.


However, God showed up and it really was a great conference much to my surprise. Had a couple prophetic words spoken over me that was spot on, and a couple I sort of cocked an eyebrow at God and said we'll see. I've been having some good bible studies lately too! Lot of growth and I'm liking it. After feeling dead for such a long time, nice to see some life.

Got my lil sissy moved. Bummed that she moved farther away but glad for her. Matters of the heart always seem to cause a lot of drama. My guys got an earful about relationships. But we got her all loaded up in little over an hour and then hung out and had pizza. God certainly opened up some doors for her so that's cool.

Got glasses for everyone except J. He was pitching a fit about it to the point I was ready to shove him in a box and mail him to some far distance away from me. He doesn't need them and I didn't feel like wasting another eye exam to be told, again, that he doesn't need them. The eye doc said I made the right call but have him checked at 16 before he does any driving. Relieved to have that round of mom guilt put to rest. However, we are still waiting on Michael's glasses to get in. Nicholas has had his for a few days. This is something that I really hate about having twins - someone is always waiting and someone is always disappointed and there is nothing that can be done about it. Happy for one, frustrated for the other one.

Jared's birthday is a week away and he's been a bit spastic. Guys have just over 2 weeks of school work left and then we're on summer break. Not bad when you consider we took all of March off of school. I'm not sure who is more ready for summer break - them or me. I feel like I'm constantly waiting on someone else.

Our ancient dryer has now decided to do an impersonation of a cement mixer, so anyone doing their school work on the downstairs computer can't hear a blooming thing if the dryer is running. I have to babysit the washer because we never know when the drain is going to back up and spew water out of the floor. We at least have the gurgling toilet as a warning sign to shut off the washer before Lake Erie shows up. And I can't do any laundry at night because I'm pretty sure Fred would like to actually get some sleep.

And let us discuss laundry while we're at it, shall we? The older the kids get, the more laundry there is. And sadly, they still wait until they are down to the last whatever before announcing this dire circumstance. The frustrating thing is I never know when the drain is going to cooperate. Some days I can crank out laundry and other days it takes all day of starting/stopping the washer while I'm usually standing near the drain yelling at it to just suck it up and take it.

My life - it's messed up.

Friday, April 12, 2013

The Annual Freak Out

I would first like to point out that ya'll are sick. I get like 75 hits on my post of yet another epic fail of a move, but when I post the lesson learned in the middle of it, I get like 13 hits. Really? The train wreck is that exciting, is it?

Well okay, then.

But back to my annual freak out. Can you figure it out or should I just assume you have no clue what dribbles out of my....fingers?

It's curriculum ordering time! Said with as much enthusiasm of the thought of getting an enema - from a total stranger.

Although, I can say this freak out has been the worst. Granted, I say that almost every year but this time it's for real. This order will be the last order for the twins. It will be their senior year. I am having a hard time with this for a couple reasons. At this stage of the game, there isn't much curriculum to pick out. We've done almost all of it. Science isn't their thing even though they actually are understanding their chemistry now. Even to the point that they are making thermodynamics jokes that fly over my head.

Hilarious.

They both get an A in the sarcasm department but I'm sure I'll leave that off their transcripts.

They've completed a lot of the required stuff to the point where I think they could graduate now but we haven't done a government/civics course yet. Since I've turned down my mom's offer to teach them government (don't even get me started), I think we'll get that covered in case she tries to add her 2 cents worth. I would like my children to actually know what the law says and not some mad conspiracy that never seems to work out the way she sells it.

But I digress. Or I'm making an effort to beat the angst down. Take your pick.

Foreign language turned out to be an epic fail for them, and at this point, we all decided it would be wise to just step away. I get an A for the effort but you know that old saying? You can drag a horse to the water, but no matter how many times you dunk his head and hold him under - he ain't drinking it if he doesn't want to! The same applies to school.

Kerri and I were talking about how overwhelming it all is and I added that after all that stress, praying and guessing on what to get, shell out hard earned money - you get to spend the rest of the year listening to someone whine and complain about some of it or all of it.

Why yes, I am still pissed off about it. Thanks for noticing.

I did mention that the pickings are slim, right? Because it is. Just in case you didn't get that the first round. This leaves electives and I have yet to find an underwater basket weaving group. I'll wait as you process that mental image through your head.

Switched On Schoolhouse is 20% off for the month of April. They actually have a couple electives that haven't caused the guys to roll their eyes back into their heads from all the angst of, like I want to study that because why?

Truly is a miracle that I have let them live.

I'm also going to have to space out what I order and when. Jared flew through all his science that I'm scrambling to get him stuff but he's dragging his feet on history. No need to order history when he's not ready for it. But he's mad about this because he was looking forward to next year's history. I told him then he should put in extra effort to get through his history and he asked why would he want to do that?

That banging noise you hear is me beating my head.

I'm also struggling because I can't help but wonder - did I do enough?!? I remember when we started kindergarten and how I was freaking out and wasn't sure I was up for this and now we're going to be facing our last year and while exhausted, I know I gave it my all. But....I still wonder, was it enough? Did I do a good job? I didn't kill them and they can read and write, so I'm thinking why, yes! Yes, I DID do a good job!!! And judging from current society, I'm thinking they are way ahead of the average knucklehead.

God has had to repeatedly remind me that my identity isn't in the boys. That I had to let them be free to make their own choices (within reason) and the freedom to make mistakes so they could learn from it. But the kicker is not to be devastated thinking my mothering skills sucked big piles of dirt because they made mistakes and made poor choices. Goodness knows, I've made my share of them. I was also encouraged not to give up either. I'm doing my job and trusting God with the outcome. And the strength not to kill them.

I heard someone say, raising teenagers is like being slowly pecked to death by a chicken. I don't why but it makes me laugh every time. There are days......it feels like it. I've had a few of them this week. Or maybe because we had more drain issues, plumber took forever to get out here, only to have more issues the next day.

It's been a week, I'll tell ya.

So I'm glad we are actually having a stay-cation this next week. I feel bad that after having to take a month off of school and finally getting into the swing of it - we are now taking a week off. We are so close to being done but, sadly, the motivation to finish is at an all time low right now. Believe me, that's saying something because we've hit some lows before.

Hoping to get lots of stuff done, not to mention some fun.