Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I Take It Back

I was sudo/sort-of, but not really, complaining about all the cop activity over the summer. Even went so far as to joke about opening up a doughnut stand. I'm now thinking if this will keep the heat in the area, I am all for it.

The ghetto seems as weird as the weather.

The weather - it's rather crazy here. One day it got down to single digits, we had one day of a light dusting of snow, and today it's in the mid-60s. Not going to complain about that especially since Michigan got a bunch of snow last week. Gosh, it's been nice here.

{Evil cackling echos through the room}

Speaking of evil, I've found that the people of the hood tend to roll with the weather - cold weather equals the thugs stay indoors. However, nice weather means all bets are off. We got home from church Sunday and as we were getting lunch together, we heard a few gunshots which is nothing new but these sounded really close. Couple seconds later Tyrone and his right hand man Tiny (I say this as the dude is the size of a horse) came waddling out in their baggy pants.

I've also found out that they have to waddle to help keep their pants up. I'm not sure if this is what it means to have swagger. Anyone?

So Tyrone and Tiny are looking down an ally and just sort of hanging out and observing. I don't know what they saw, but they suddenly booked it and waddled as fast as they could - going in the other direction. Way to be obvious there, dog!

Lot of traffic for the rest of the day and you could tell something was up. And no, we don't go out of the house unless it's to run to the van or back. I've managed to just stick my arm out to get our mail. My dad asks if I've met any neighbors to which I am still saying hell no.

So Monday rolls around with guns a blazing at 7:30 a.m. If ever I was glad we picked to homeschool - it's now. Could you imagine how flipped out I would have been hearing gunshots knowing my kids were outside?

And yet again, I pray for God to deliver us from the ghetto.

Needless to say, the po-po has been all over the ghetto and I'm happy about that because everyone chills when the man is around. Which makes me wonder why are they only around after a big shooting?

Also found something else out. There is a group down here that basically feels that white people are the spawn of satan and they sell newspapers on the corners. We wondered why they never banged on our window and we sort of dubbed them the Tabernacle Times group......who apparently hate us.

Well, okay then.

One less person to not make eye contact with which I learned not to do back when the twins were babies. You make eye contact with people and they think it's an invitation to talk to you. I'm trying to figure out how Fred gets this go away or I'll kill you look because no one EVER approaches him. Note to self, work on frowning more.

So I was telling my folks all of this over the phone. I told them I'm not scared, I have street creds after all. I am, after all, the Big White Clucker (big old chicken) and I've never heard my mom laugh so hard in her life. I told her I'm hoping the twins, Chicken Fingers, and their brother, Chicken Nugget, will be able to escape the coop before the heat gets too bad. Hopefully, Big Red Rooster will be able to take our little flock to happier pecking grounds before long.

I really have no idea what I was saying but it sounded funny.

But the cop presence has thankfully gone to full alert and not 5 minutes goes by without the almighty presence driving by. I was also told I'm not funny when I start singing, "Let My People Go" I don't even know if that's the title to the song or not but I'm going with it. Personally, I thought it was funny. Besides, my butt is the one that gets to be here all day with nothing to do but housework. Oh, could I really? Could I really wash the dishes....again?

Squealed no one.

And what luck! It's time to go grocery shopping! Oi! This should be fun. Because I'm going to watch these guys like a hawk since last time we went, a bag went missing. And I only found out what was missing right when I needed that item. Makes for a happy cook....who cusses like a pissed off sailor. Not happy, Bob. Not happy.


Julie said...

I really hope you guys can get into a safer neighborhood... *sigh*


Joanna said...

You and me both Julie!!