Thursday, February 28, 2013

Details, Details

I thought about putting the title The Cluckers Go To Court, but was worried that wouldn't sound right.

But what does one do when their big chicken butt gets dragged to court? Why she clucks like the big chicken that she is, of course

Okay, I'll trying to keep this brief. When we came down to Indy, as I referred to it as day in hell #2, we came across the place we are currently in. It was listed for a reasonable price, especially when you considered the neighborhood that even came with a chalk outline of dead body #7. What a teaching moment that was!

Kidding!

But we stayed late to sign only to have office manager leave for the day with a promise that the lease would be faxed to us. Next day we got the lease only to discover they had upped the price and told us someone was on the way over to see the property and we better sign before they do. Total scam job! But we only had one week to get out of our house and had no other choice.

So the summer totally sucked because it was beyond what we could swing. Both our parents had to help us to even get food. Totally humiliating experience which I find that interesting considering at this point we've lost our house, been through bankruptcy, and was now living in the hood, so had sort of assumed I have lived enough humiliating experiences. Clearly, I was wrong on that subject.

Humble pie? You can stop cramming it down my throat any time now.

So when the property management got fired (which we found out they are getting sued because of some shady shenanigans going on) it was the very month that neither folks could help us and it was either we got food and paid our electric bill OR we paid rent.

Blessing? Possibly. But my kids ate and honestly that is an experience I never want to go through again.

The next month rolled around and while hubby was no longer on probation pay, it still wasn't the amount he was told by human resources. (I think HR is Latin for lies through teeth.) Thus, leaving us in a still tight spot but no one to contact. The month after that was better but by this time we're two months in the hole. We had angry bill collectors from old utilities in Michigan because it was that bad, so I paid those off. Then there was Christmas. And then the new year showed up with a new property manager and demands for the full amount. We hemmed, we hawed and hoped our tax return would get here in time. No such luck, we were sued and off to small claims court.

Can I just say how much I really, really hate court? And I find that whole ordeal to be another humbling experience. And what can you say? Yup, we signed a lease for an amount we had no way we could pay but our backs were up against a wall. There were some moments of totally getting the whole 'I owed a debt, I could not pay and He paid a debt, He did not owe'. But there were a lot of nights of hot tears and angry demands of asking God where did He go and why are we going through this? AGAIN!

We had a week to make an agreement with new property managers who refused to return all our calls. We went to court and the judge was none to pleased with this so she terminated the lease which doesn't look bad on us but we have to get out in just over a week.

Seriously, why does this crap keep happening? It's like a really bad spy novel happening over and over and over again with some strange conspiracy. And did I mention my mom wanted me to file all kinds of whack-a-do stuff? No? Left that out, huh?

Imagine my level of angst. It was so bad, I swear I sprained my eyebrow muscle. Thought I was forming an eyebrow zit but nope, just severe stress.

We've made a few phone calls on a couple places. Came home and Fred deserves some sort of an award as the place is mostly packed! We haven't been able to sell his truck so we're going to get insurance on it and get plates to make it legal to help with the move. We were hoping to sell it or trade it in for a car but that will have to wait because we go back to court in April to find out how much back rent we owe. Hoping we don't have to pay the full amount. We had to fix the furnace and the leaky sink and don't even get me started on the toilet that they refused to fix. You sit on it and it feels like the whole thing is going to tip forward.

So it has been interesting. I really hope we pass the test this time around because this is nuts and I really don't want to have to go through this again....again.

The guys were joking around saying we've already survived several end of the world moments, not to mention all the other crap that we must be getting close to some sort of super level immortal status. I'm thinking not - feels more like hammered poo, but that's just me.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Martha, Martha, Martha!

Admit it - you read that Marsha, Marsha, Marsha! And if you have no idea who that is then kindly just step away - quietly.

I have tried to write like 20 posts and I've ended up deleting them all. I don't know if it's hormones, circumstances, spiritual warfare or the combination of all the above because OH MY WORD!! Where is the pause button?!? Where is the medic? And someone better get me some chocolate!!

I have just been a hot mess the last couple weeks. Stuff going on that I'm not ready to post about, killer man cramps that would knock any dude on the floor, and I'm trying to plan school stuff for next year which just happens to be my twins' senior year. *pause while I sob uncontrollably* I'm hit with so much panic - did I do enough?!? Did I prepare them, or did I screw them up?

They are far from screwed up. I'm just not sure how prepared they are because I'm not sure what they are going to face.

I think every parent feels that way about everything regarding kids. Lately, all the guys have been posting on Facebook stuff that they are getting in their personal time of prayer or stuff that's just running through their heads. And it is deep and profound that makes me sit there gazing at the screen, wondering who are these mighty men of valor because d-a-n-g!

I've been worried these last few years of nothing but Lazarus moments was going to effect - affect? I can never remember - anyhoo I thought it was going to warp them. I mean, look at what a great teacher I is. Ahem!

Instead, they are all sounding a lot stronger than I am. Which is good but at the same time I have to wonder what is my problem? I have truly gone from being dead Lazarus to being worry-wart Martha! I'm not even sure when the transition happened.

And the sad thing is I can't seem to stop from worrying. It's not just one situation - it's all of them! The other day I was just completely worn out from worrying - made myself physically sick and I don't have one answer to any of the stuff I'm freaking out over.

The reality is another handful of trials showed up, more impossible odds, better attitude, unsure outcome, all kinds of wild emotions, but there are moments of peace. And that is saying something after experiencing years of nothing but a stuffy, smelly gravesite. But there are still feelings of utter failure that just doesn't want to shake off.

And I find in those hard moments questioning: God, are you still there? While I KNOW He is, there is no evidence that He's doing anything regarding the circumstances. And I really, really need for Him to get off His royal throne and do something about some issues! Wave after wave of circumstances beyond our control and our ability to fix it has just pounded us.

After years of living with all males, there are days when I'm totally in Sparta moment - all bring it! We got the victory!! AAAHHHH!!  But then there are other days that I am beyond the big chicken that I normally am, I don't have any hope left, all my confidence of rescue is gone, and all the facts point in the direction that someone is having a chicken dinner because I've just been poked with a fork and called done!

Gruesome, isn't it?

I seriously do not understand all the things we've gone through. I don't understand why we've had beyond weird circumstances. I've been face first in the Psalms praying none stop - well, after I've taken a break from whining -  How long, O Lord, will You ignore my cries for help? How long, O Lord, will others point their fingers at us and and say we aren't one of Yours?

I have said TNT has nothing on my drama.

And this is the edited version of all this. I had a true-to-me post listing all the details and the reasons behind it but I pretty much sound like a cheetah on crack.

I've been told it's worse in person but whatever.

I cracked open my bible study and it was on the story of Tamar. Not gonna lie -  her story is one that gives me the willies. Because eww, just eww. Her husband dies because God said he was evil, she has to marry her brother-in-law (eww) and dude tries the whole pull-out method and God said it was evil and killed him off. Tamar was sent back home to wait for her other brother-in-law (eww) to be of age (extra eww) but when that time came and passed she took matters into her own hands. When you read what all she did and that she got pregnant by her FIL (extra, extra eww!) - that took A LOT of planning!

When it became apparent she was with child everyone, including her FIL, demanded that she was put to death but she pulled out the identifying pieces of who the father was and it also exposed Judah's betrayal to her according to Leviticus law.

I've always blown off her story because....eww. But it hit me differently this time around. She didn't do anything wrong. According to Leviticus law they weren't supposed to marry Gentiles. Judah's wife was a Gentile and he arranged for his son to marry a Gentile - Tamar. But then Judah didn't want to follow the law regarding his last son but then when Tamar was pregnant - he was first to demand that the law be carried out and kill her off. Until she pulled out the trump card that it was him who fathered the child.

Well smack! J.R. Ewing would be proud of that one.

Even though there were some shady things that went down - God still redeemed her and her boys were in the linage of Christ.

What has this got to do with me freaking out? Who knows! Kidding, sort of.

It sort of feels like we're in labor. The pain hits, all I can think is please make it stop!! And where are my pain meds?!? But just like labor, I know I have no choice but to go through it. Fred said but that means new life is on the way, which me, being so me, piped up with yeah, someone else to whine and complain, take care of and get no sleep!

Hey, I already took the Mother of The Year Award, so I have no further goals of repeated victory. Besides I'm closer to the finish line and feel it's overrated.

I feel like we've gone through crap through no fault of our own, we stayed the course with our boys, and I look at all the times I've poured into them everything I am, I can take a deep breath and know that's all good and I've done all right. No, things have not gone perfect - far from it. We've known loss that other's haven't, we've experienced hardship to a degree that other's haven't, nor have they understood the pain involved in that. But I think we can all relate to having gone through hardships, loss, and pain but still trudging on with no evidence that we are going in the right direction.

And coming from someone who can't find her way out of a wet paper bag? That's been hard and also some of the cause for a lot of freaking out.

Redemption is a pretty inclusive word - to buy or get back; recover; to ransom; to deliver from sin; to fulfill (a promise); to make amends or atone for; to restore to favor.

I am waiting for God to do some serious redemption in my life. Because I am tired of feeling like Jan, watching all the good things happening to Martha, I mean Marsha while she wonders when is it her turn.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Who Needs Reality TV?

Especially when I can just gaze out my window and watch another episode of As The Gangsta Waddles. Yesterday's episode consisted of Tyrone and Skinny Pete getting pulled over (right near our place) and what luck! There were bags and bags of stuff that I'm pretty sure wasn't lawn clippings or bags of baking soda.

I can't even make this stuff up.

Tyrone kept his cool but the same could not be said of poor Skinny Pete. He must have been sampling the stuff because dude couldn't walk a straight line to save his life. Which it didn't. I'm not sure what they did with him. Tyrone, however, was in serious trouble. They brought a special van just for him. I'm thinking they decided to just skip court and send his butt right to prison.

There was only so much we could peak through the blinds without causing TOO MUCH notice.

Oi!

But I was in a weird....er mood that moment so I, being all weird, had to have a running commentary of what the conversation might have gone. My guys were in stitches. But I'm sitting here remembering it and it doesn't sound as funny - you would have had to seen what was going on to make what I was saying make sense.

I think I need a hobby.

Besides mocking the disturbed people of the hood.

Seriously. How am I not suppose to make a vocal observation when I'm noticing some people unable to walk in a straight line? Down the middle of the road? Epic.sarcasm. I wonder if I need a warning label? Caution: the person in front of you has sarcasm mode on all the time. Speak to her at your own risk.

Suddenly my life makes a tiny bit more sense right now.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Spam-tastic

I had to set my comments on no anonymous comments thanks to all the spam I was getting hit with. I still don't understand why people have nothing better to do then to spam a blog. If I was really in the market for that crap, I think I would know how to find it. After spending a day cleaning out over a hundred spam comments, I changed the settings. I didn't want to do the word verification because I find those annoying. Not to mention I can't even read those most of the time. Please tell me I'm not the only person that has had to hit the refresh button like 50 times until I can finally tilt my head to sort of make it out? Anyone? Bueller??

Speaking of movies - Groundhog day is almost here. The only reason I even care about this is I make everyone watch the movie at least 2 times in a row. Favorite part is when Phil punches Ned. I'm not sure what that says about me, but I laugh until I start to hork up a lung from all the coughing.

Bet you wished you were here. Or not. Totally understand.

Besides, I've spent the last couple days with my nose in different books. I'm sort of wondering what God is trying to say here. I read Mary Beth Chapmen's book Choosing to See. Oh my word! It should come with a box of Kleenex!! Reading her experience about adopting and then the tragedy that hit their family but how they hung on to the Lord is a very emotional ride.

The next book I read is about a missionary in Africa and about tending the orphans. I then read 23 minutes in hell and how God doesn't want anyone to perish but we're to choose life or death. Couple other books about adoption and how we're adopted into God's family and about how God is love and His love for us. All these books back to back.....not sure what to make of that.

I've asked Fred if felt our family was complete and he said yes. I feel that way as well. But.....  As you look at the trinity Father, Spirit, Son - they were complete yet they chose to open their arms for all who will accept. Because that's what love did - it came and rescued me.

Makes me wonder. But I know I have it on the brain as that's what I'm writing about and that was way before I read these books. You bullies finally won - I'm writing fiction. Don't hold your breath on seeing it published anytime soon. Lot of work, it's not done, not to mention I get totally and completely overwhelmed anytime I've looked into the publishing process. Lately, it has been a real struggle to get much mental work done. I'm always waiting on one of the guys to finish with something else so I can get stuff done. By the end of the day, I'm done! And there are still dishes to deal with. Yay!

Eh, if it's meant to be I'll actually finish the thing. Hard to believe it would get accepted because so many times I've thought if I can't even write a blog that's interesting how am I going to write a book?!?  Then there is that whole can't make a point and long windedness - I'm sure I would be an editor's nightmare.

Lot of stuff floating around. Doesn't help I already have another book in mind. I can start off with a bang but that whole finishing part? H-a-r-d! I would like to blame it all on my personality and while that is true, it doesn't make getting stuff done any easier because it's just staring at me, taunting me to actually get if finished. I would like to tell you that I'm all that's it! I'm kicking it into overdrive to get it done......but that isn't true and I get easily distracted and oooo shiny!

Where was I?

I was trying to make a point but it just floated away. Oh well. I will trust you figured it out. Now could someone tell me what it was because I'm worried that last point was important.

Maybe instead of spamtastic I should have put craptastic.