Monday, December 30, 2013

Pinterest Tried To Kill Me

Well, in Pinterest's defense it wasn't really its fault. I kept coming across recipe after recipe and thought ooh that looks good! And I'm the type of person that only likes to taste a bunch of little stuff, but doesn't want to get stuck with a ton of it. Toss in Hubby needed to do a gift exchange last year, and it all made sense to make a ton of stuff and give everyone a little bit of everything.

Then insert my crazy self, who tends to over do - well, just about everything.

I mean e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

Last year we did dollar store tins and I did my part and made tons of stuff and Hubby did his part where he got 10 pounds worth of stuff into a 2 pound tin. Awesomeness was had by all.

Then this year rolls around with my craziness showing up and seeing more good recipes to try out. Plus, I thought it would be cool to get those Chinese take out boxes and fill it with stuff. So far, that wasn't a bad idea. Then I kept adding different things to try and....well.....long story short.....amped up crazy person decided to give 4 boxes to each person.

I don't think you are appreciating the level of insanity this turned out to be. Because OH MY FREAKING GOSH!! IT ABOUT DID ME IN!!!!!!

It was on round fifty of some form of awesomeness that I glared at Hubby and demanded to know why my voice of reason, him, didn't speak up to say, "calm the heck down woman!" And believe me, he has had to say it many times. He said he reasoned all this stuff was yummy so have it.

Turkey.

The good news is I got it all done in time. Now I'm begging dude to work for a different hospital so I don't have to go through this again. However, we made up a bag for nurse Diane and he said her reaction was priceless. She said it made her Christmas. And that right there is why I tend to over-do it with things, because that gave me warm fuzzies knowing it meant a lot to someone. He said the rest of the gals acted like a diabetic falling off the wagon. That made me laugh and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to laugh about that or not.

I no sooner had all that done and off the list, when I had to pull stuff together for a family get-together. We had a good time as can be expected. My folks arrived late and left early. So fun was had by all.

My cousin's wife and I are giddy as another book sale is upon us. She caught wind that this will happen day after my b-day, and if her cackled of glee is any indication of what she's up to then I'm sure I will take more ribbing. I've taken a lot of crap from them for not being in my 40s, so I can only imagine the shenanigans they are going to pull. But, we always have a ton of fun, so I'm sure this will be no different.

Although, I really need to spend some quality time getting my book pile lowered. I've been so busy that I haven't had a chance to read much. That is a sad thing indeed! This holiday season has blown by fast! I told the guys that it doesn't even feel like we've had a break. I said we're taking another week off and they just smiled.

Hopefully, I'll give Pinterest a rest because it keeps giving me ideas. And nobody's got time for that right now!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

A Funny Thing Happened At The Tattoo Parlor

And by funny, I mean dear sweet Jesus! I wasn't sure we were going to survive!! Forget L.A.Ink - this was more along the lines of Megadeath's Tattoo Parlor of Creepiness. Before you give me the eye roll, let me set the stage here.

I'm not opposed to tats - my brother has a few. I've joked about getting a chicken feather tattoo but I know that I'm too much of a chicken to follow through with it. I also read an article that said the fatter the person is the more pain they would experience. I don't know if that is true or not, but this chunky monkey isn't going to take any chances thank you very much!

This place was rated 3rd in the entire state. The area is up and coming, tons of little houses turned into shops and it's a cute area. We walk in and it was like falling into a pit from hell. Seriously. We walked right into some sort of invisible wall of creepiness. The guys all looked us both up and down, smirked, and said the coffee shop was next door.

Hilarious.

Sissy said she had an appointment. While all that was going on, I started to look around the room. Big....fricken......mistake! I started to notice that all the hair on the back of my neck was standing at attention, which is odd because that neck hair is really on the lazy side just hanging out, not standing in formation. Cue some Megadeath music and my neck hair started sending Morse code for me to just bonk Sissy over the head and drag ourselves out of there real quick like.

Sensing my fear - a guy covered in tattoos and piercings planted himself near the door and gave off the vibe that he regularly sacrifices humans to his cult of choice.

Looks like we were in the full enchilada. I don't remember wanting an enchilada nor ordering one.

There I was - being all supportive of someone and I was getting eyeballed by Uncle Fester. It also didn't help that all of Sissy's friends bailed on her so I was to be the lone voice of wisdom. I am so fed up with people saying one thing with their mouths and then can't follow through with their actions. Wish people would learn to either be honest or shut the heck up! I was trying hard not to have my jaw hanging open as I looked at all the pictures and sculptures of death and straight up creepiness. And I was trying not to be a judgmental jerk, so I looked these guys in the eyes and smiled and did my best to be nice and joke around with them.

FYI - they didn't find me funny. They were amused at my presence but that was about it. Needless to say, I won't pine away wondering if Fester's day was brighter just by smiling at him. You could smell the crazy on him and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't see a bright day even if he was standing on the sun.

While I was sitting there trying not to make a sign of the cross, I started praying. Actually, I was praying before we even walked through the door. I had joked on the way there 'yay, though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we will fear no evil' - who knew I was so prophetic?

Sissy picked out the word Believe, and it has a lot of meaning for her and this was between her and God. I can support that but looking around this room, I was freaked out and I could tell she was too. As I was praying I felt like God told me to look around the room again. I didn't want to but did. And I was still freaked out. The pictures of death were everywhere. There were pictures of tattoos showing as best as I can describe, a tortured soul condemned to the pit of evil. There was a statue of satan in the corner and the thing was looking at me no matter where I was standing.

Creepy!

Then it hit me - look at what Jesus saved us from. We can sit here and talk about demons and evil, and Jesus loves me cuz the bible tells me so, but to be in a room where the presence of evil was so thick you could almost physically touch it and to know that God sent His Son to rescue us from that evil was overwhelming. I was flooded with so much peace and knew Sissy was to go through with it. She sat down next to me and I leaned over and whispered all this in her ear and she was flooded with peace as well. It lined up with some things we were talking about earlier. Felt like it was a green light from God.

The guy called her back and got her all squared away on where it was going to be and had her prepped. I snapped a few pictures and she said it didn't hurt at all, which was surprising because it was on her ribcage. I sat down and put my phone away and dude was done.

Well, okay then!

The guy rattled off all the care she would need to do and I asked if they had that on paper because she isn't going to remember a single thing he just said. I was right too. She said she was mad at herself about how bad she was worked up over it. The guys were all teasing her saying it's not bad at all and when did she want another one. Then they all looked at me and I said, "oh, no!" I took a ton of ribbing but just smiled as I slowly inched my way towards the door.

Again, this chunky chick isn't taking any chances. If I want something that is going to cost a lot of money, cause me pain, and mark me for life - I would rather have another kid! Besides, how would I explain a chicken feather? Sissy's has meaning - mine would just be sarcastically silly.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

It's Like I Can't Stop Myself With This Whole Chicken Thing

It doesn't help that my chicken butt self has all these opportunities to cluck. I need to go to bed because I am getting dragged to a tattoo place by Sissy for her appointment. No, I'm not getting one! I'm scared of needles. And I have this thing where I tend to get woozy and possibly pass out. I tried to pass a freckle off as a tat once - said it was all I could stand. For some reason, no one believed me.

Go figure.

But we're going to dull the pain by going to see Frozen first. She's seen this movie 3 times now and since I have to go, I'm dragging Jared with me. He is only going because popcorn and a frozen coke will be involved. His level of angst has been at a record high this week and this is not helping it! I'll drop him back off at home because he is just as squeamish as I am so if I go down, the boy will follow out of sympathy and loyalty.

How do I get myself dragged into these things?!? Because right now my feathers are ruffling and I'm trying to keep my clucking to a dull chirp. Thankfully, we're meeting up with another friend of Sissy's who knows what to expect because for some reason I'm supposed to be the mature one of the group. Granted, I'm older than both of them by a lot but still - not my element! And I just changed my do - I haven't had a chance to post a picture yet but I'm definitely rocking the Cruella DeVil look. I've decided to embrace the grey.

Sissy is insisting that the new look is hot and is trying to get this old broad to cave and get inked. I'm not opposed to tats (so long as it has meaning). It's just that whole needle/pain thing and being a big fricken chicken that has me saying no.

Welp.....here's to another wild and crazy weekend!

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Cooked Turkey

We actually had a nice Thanksgiving. Amazingly enough. I am thankful for that because blog post of yore would back me up on the tension. So grateful for the lack of tension and that everyone was able to behave themselves. Myself included. I did get a chuckle that my mom didn't get all bothered by my cop story but she was surprised at my reaction to the other cop story.

I know, you are shocked that there could be yet another cop story.

I'm still laughing about it. Probably because it had nothing to do with us.

We've had issues with a handful of neighborhood kids. Things like firecrackers being set off in our mailbox, banging on the door at 3 a.m. - stuff like that. The brats kids have even tipped over our garbage can. It seems that our driveway and backyard was their personal hangout place before we moved in. And since Hubby refused to let me have the paintball gun, he told the juvenile delinquents of tomorrow kids to go hang out somewhere else. Which they did but still had an occasional thing tossed at the door at 1 in the morning.

Total mystery why I'm actually starting to get on board with doing another move, but that's for another post.

There was a hole in the backyard fence and for whatever reason it's easier for kids to hop through this hole and cut through our yard than to actually use the stupid sidewalk. Whatever. Except this hole kept getting bigger and bigger until I noticed a couple weeks ago that most of the fence collapsed. This fence isn't on our property and we rent so that all equals up to S.E.P. (someone else's problem.)

Day before Thanksgiving I was in the kitchen doing this and that and happened to look out the window to see more kids hopping the fence. It's the same group that has been a royal pain all summer long. After they hopped on our side, they ran and jumped over the other neighbor's fence and then circled around and did it again. I didn't think anything of it and finished what I was doing. I went to go sit in my chair that's near the window facing the road when what did my eyes see? But the same group of brats all handcuffed and sitting on the lawn across the street from us!

Oh, heck yeah!! Book em Dano!

Cops were all over the place. I'm guessing that they were trying to nab a few other kids. The daycare next to us had kids out but they hustled them indoors right quick. All of this while I was yelling from the safety of closed doors that justice has prevailed!

The running commentary we came up with was hilarious. Probably inappropriate, but hilarious none the less. It's not that I'm heartless because these kids looked to be Jared's age some even younger, but it's been shocking to watch these kids total lack of respect for other people's property. They've acted like they own the neighborhood. One of the moms was out there yelling at her kid, and rightfully so, but why wasn't she on these kids months ago? Before school started these kids were horrible and were out at all hours of the night.

They were out there for a looong time and it was a cold day. Watching their behavior and body language, they weren't repentant for whatever it was they got busted over which floors me. So I didn't find it surprising that they were cuffed and stuffed into the multiple squad cars and hauled away. I did comment as the scene cleared that I hope this wakes the little jerks up. Time will tell. I did quote from Home Alone - "Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal." as the last car pulled away.

Not going to lie - I laughed about the whole thing for days. And I did find it funny that my mom said that I wasn't being very nice by laughing at someone else's misfortune. I did correct her that it wasn't a misfortune, but it was a consequence to multiple actions. I could tell we weren't going to agree so I made sure to change the subject. I've gotten really good at doing that - guess it's one more thing to be thankful about.