Tuesday, December 10, 2013

A Funny Thing Happened At The Tattoo Parlor

And by funny, I mean dear sweet Jesus! I wasn't sure we were going to survive!! Forget L.A.Ink - this was more along the lines of Megadeath's Tattoo Parlor of Creepiness. Before you give me the eye roll, let me set the stage here.

I'm not opposed to tats - my brother has a few. I've joked about getting a chicken feather tattoo but I know that I'm too much of a chicken to follow through with it. I also read an article that said the fatter the person is the more pain they would experience. I don't know if that is true or not, but this chunky monkey isn't going to take any chances thank you very much!

This place was rated 3rd in the entire state. The area is up and coming, tons of little houses turned into shops and it's a cute area. We walk in and it was like falling into a pit from hell. Seriously. We walked right into some sort of invisible wall of creepiness. The guys all looked us both up and down, smirked, and said the coffee shop was next door.


Sissy said she had an appointment. While all that was going on, I started to look around the room. Big....fricken......mistake! I started to notice that all the hair on the back of my neck was standing at attention, which is odd because that neck hair is really on the lazy side just hanging out, not standing in formation. Cue some Megadeath music and my neck hair started sending Morse code for me to just bonk Sissy over the head and drag ourselves out of there real quick like.

Sensing my fear - a guy covered in tattoos and piercings planted himself near the door and gave off the vibe that he regularly sacrifices humans to his cult of choice.

Looks like we were in the full enchilada. I don't remember wanting an enchilada nor ordering one.

There I was - being all supportive of someone and I was getting eyeballed by Uncle Fester. It also didn't help that all of Sissy's friends bailed on her so I was to be the lone voice of wisdom. I am so fed up with people saying one thing with their mouths and then can't follow through with their actions. Wish people would learn to either be honest or shut the heck up! I was trying hard not to have my jaw hanging open as I looked at all the pictures and sculptures of death and straight up creepiness. And I was trying not to be a judgmental jerk, so I looked these guys in the eyes and smiled and did my best to be nice and joke around with them.

FYI - they didn't find me funny. They were amused at my presence but that was about it. Needless to say, I won't pine away wondering if Fester's day was brighter just by smiling at him. You could smell the crazy on him and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't see a bright day even if he was standing on the sun.

While I was sitting there trying not to make a sign of the cross, I started praying. Actually, I was praying before we even walked through the door. I had joked on the way there 'yay, though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we will fear no evil' - who knew I was so prophetic?

Sissy picked out the word Believe, and it has a lot of meaning for her and this was between her and God. I can support that but looking around this room, I was freaked out and I could tell she was too. As I was praying I felt like God told me to look around the room again. I didn't want to but did. And I was still freaked out. The pictures of death were everywhere. There were pictures of tattoos showing as best as I can describe, a tortured soul condemned to the pit of evil. There was a statue of satan in the corner and the thing was looking at me no matter where I was standing.


Then it hit me - look at what Jesus saved us from. We can sit here and talk about demons and evil, and Jesus loves me cuz the bible tells me so, but to be in a room where the presence of evil was so thick you could almost physically touch it and to know that God sent His Son to rescue us from that evil was overwhelming. I was flooded with so much peace and knew Sissy was to go through with it. She sat down next to me and I leaned over and whispered all this in her ear and she was flooded with peace as well. It lined up with some things we were talking about earlier. Felt like it was a green light from God.

The guy called her back and got her all squared away on where it was going to be and had her prepped. I snapped a few pictures and she said it didn't hurt at all, which was surprising because it was on her ribcage. I sat down and put my phone away and dude was done.

Well, okay then!

The guy rattled off all the care she would need to do and I asked if they had that on paper because she isn't going to remember a single thing he just said. I was right too. She said she was mad at herself about how bad she was worked up over it. The guys were all teasing her saying it's not bad at all and when did she want another one. Then they all looked at me and I said, "oh, no!" I took a ton of ribbing but just smiled as I slowly inched my way towards the door.

Again, this chunky chick isn't taking any chances. If I want something that is going to cost a lot of money, cause me pain, and mark me for life - I would rather have another kid! Besides, how would I explain a chicken feather? Sissy's has meaning - mine would just be sarcastically silly.


Lorraine said...

Oh my, that was better than a WalMart story, and you really got me when you said it was a visual of what we have been saved from. Never saw that coming! So glad you both survived!!