Saturday, March 8, 2014

Oh Wally World! How You Make Me Shake Mah Head!

I know. I get emails asking for the stuffmart posts, but sadly there is nothing to offer. Different state, different vibe - I don't know, but I'm just not getting the same stories and/or experiences. Honestly, that's not a bad thing here people! Sure, you're not as entertained, but I've noticed the eye twitching isn't as bad.

Wait. Scratch that because I am, after all, still in a Wal-Mart. I still hate to go shopping there, but the amount of food these guys go through leaves me with little choice. So I suck it up and battle the masses.

We still have questionable cashiers. Most of the ladies gush over the boys and insist they are triplets. We have one guy in particular that loves to comment on how much we are buying. Another added bonus - dude NEVER SHUTS UP!!! He will start asking us all kinds of questions, everything from the weather and to the products we are buying. He will add his own thoughts to every.single.question. I'm relieved that he's stuck there still working or I have the feeling he would follow us out to the car and talk at us while we start chucking bags in all willy-nilly just to get away from him.

Let me tell you, that doesn't work for Fred Jr. Michael because dude has the organizing gene. I swear he plays some form of tetris with the groceries in his cart. He has everything arrange just so and I have the feeling he could get both carts worth of stuff arranged into one cart. The downer is he will take flipping forever as he is constantly rearranging stuff. Probably doesn't help that I purposely toss stuff into his cart. I had asked him if Mr. McTalky-Pants were to follow us out, what would he do? After he stopped shuttering, he said he would just put the whole cart in the back of the SUV and yell for me to gun it.

Annoying people of the world - I understand you like to talk. I understand this as I, myself, like to talk. However, there is a fine line of having a few small conversation to the point of overloading someone that they are pretending to kill you a thousand times over in their mind.

Dear Lord, there seems to be one in every state. And while we are on this topic, Sir, why do they always pick me to ramble on and on to? People sail right past Fred and make a beeline for me to tell me their life story. I've had people just come up to me and start asking me questions about stuff. Um, do I look like I work here?!? I have a list and people are following me with carts. And if you get too close to me, one of them will give you a bump with said cart followed up by a glare of back off freak!

I did make him apologize, but in his defense the person wouldn't go away and screamed like he was off his meds, so I really don't think that should be held against my child. Just saying.

The grannies crack me up the most. The guys are always getting asked to get something off the top shelf for someone, which they do and are extremely polite. It's hilarious to watch granny beam back at them and cluck about what wonderful young men they are and then watch her announce this to the whole aisle. I get tons of compliments about how I'm doing it right, and told that there should be more people like me in the world. I chuckle because I'm sure if she knew how goofy I am, she might change her mind.

However, a small part of me wants to throw my arms around her and give her a little squeeze of thanks. The thing that usually stops me is when she starts pointing fingers at other people in the aisle that they should take lessons from me because their brats are on her last nerve. I've noticed that tends to make those happy feeling settle back down and the practical side of me takes over and recommends I just smile, say nothing, and try to get us out of that aisle as fast as possible.

Who knew I actually had a practical side? Oh yeah, not wanting to get stab to death is a high motivator.

I am not a fan of big city living. I don't want to live in the country, but this ginormous city thing sucks. I took Jared up to Kokomo to meet my dad for him to sell some more sauce and ended up coming back home in rush hour traffic. Oh my word! If I had to battle that every day, I'm concern I would take road rage to a new level and start playing bumper cars. It wasn't pretty. Especially because I almost got side swiped and hopped into another lane to keep from getting hit, but it caused me to miss my exit. The roads here tend to split into 5 different directions all at once. You have to know what lane you need or you're screwed. And added bonus, jerkoff wouldn't let me back in my lane.

Is it a sin to wish someone to get an infestations of fleas in their armpits?


Um, we might want to take a moment to pray for someone and his armpits.