Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The Emotions Are On Overload!

We've had a pretty crazy week. Our computer caught a nasty virus and it looks like it's down for the count. Since XP is no longer supported there have been whispers that Explorer would be vulnerable. Let me assure you those whispers are screaming right!

The guys' school stuff works off of Explorer and sure enough days after XP was no longer supported - the creepies moved in. We tried several things but it was a no go. Was able to limp the computer long enough for them to finish up before it did it's final self destruct sequence. Even though it was shaky right down to the last day on whether the computer would work or not, we did prevail and they are now graduated!!

WE DID IT!!!!!

And let me tell you about the emotions. So far I've broken down and had an ugly cry three times. I've only been caught doing one. The guys were all chuckling at me. They said I deserved the award not them. So did not help because that triggered enough water works to blow through half a box of Kleenexes. And then God hopped in on it and felt this huge atta girl and there went the other half of the box!

I still have to finish a few other things to get their final grades and then finish their transcripts but most of it is already done. I'll be ordering their diplomas hopefully soon - after our new computer arrives. And I'm not really sure what to do about announcements. I was looking on Pinterest to get some suggestions on picture taking. I think I'll have to bribe/blackmail to get them to let me try taking a dozen pictures at different settings. I can almost hear the excitement they won't have.

My mom called and was gasp! congratulating me on a job well done. She acknowledged my perseverance and told me that they are my life's work and my legacy. And there went another partial box of Kleenexes. She wants to be at the church. I tried to dance around it. I told her I've had a few ugly cries and she laughed and said that's typical me. Okay, who is this woman? But she suggested I make the graduation announcements.  Eh, I'm still behind on their personal scrapbooks - I'm not sure I can whip out a bunch of cards and get them mailed this week.

I think I've been able to bask in the I'm Done! moment for only a couple of days. Now everything that has to get done over the summer has come rushing in and knocking me flat on my butt. I sort of feel cheated. I thought the warm gooey feelings would last a bit longer. Either that or it was the month long aunt flow visit. Something threw my system for a loop but thanks to the almighty Google I found out Aleve will stop a heavy period. One of the pharmacist said it is hard on the kidneys so drink extra water and I think she said the maximum level was 7 pills a day. I did take more than that and took it with food as I heard it can be hard on the stomach. Took me 3 days but it did work! Where was this information like a couple decades ago?!?!?

And toss in more crazy - Hubby got the in-patient job at the hospital he works at so he is now a level 2 tech. Crazy hours, but more money. I'm going to miss that weirdo, but thankfully no more customers who scream and demand their medicine be served up for free and right now. Oh the stories he could tell.....that he won't let me repeat. Something about patient privacy. Anyway, we're excited. He had a going away party and I chuckled at the many reference to how much his hard working self and my cooking will be missed.

So it has been a week of change. And there are moments when the excitement is really high only to have the reality that life is going to be different from now on to bring it down to a low. Jared will be a freshman in the fall. He's been super grumpy and keeps taking naps - hello another growth spurt!

It just feels like life is at this crazy turbo speed of getting them ready to launch out into the world. What sucks is I'm having to push them when my heart is screaming for me to hit the brakes and hang on to their ankles. There are those moments when I just wish life could just stay the same for a little bit longer because I feel like so much of my life is still in shambles and not settled. So the thought of them starting to pull away to do their own thing feels like another leg sweep to the old emotions.

Oh look! More tears! Well this box was feeling kind of low anyways, might as well finish it off. *sniff*

It also seems like there is an over abundance of commercials about graduation and hitting mile stones that I did make a hasty exit out of the room because the ugly cry seems to still be lurking just under the surface. I've apologized to the guys several times. I don't think this is going away anytime soon. I feel sort of sorry for them. I was already telling them about where I want to sit at church so I can get good pictures and then I burst into tears.

This is going to be interesting.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

I Did Mention This Right?

About how bad I'm feeling about not being able to throw a graduation party? Member that? Well. The other day I spent a good part of it on Pinterest to try and come up with something. I am still overwhelmed with it all!! Anytime we start to talk about it, I get choked up and start crying. The guys are chuckling at me.

I have a feeling this isn't going away any time soon either.

Here is something I wasn't aware of - this crap gets expensive!!! I wanted to do pictures - they don't. Pictures times 2 equals a small loan. I looked at announcements and am still trying to recover from all that. I actually found some for a good price but I'm not sure they'll let me put both their names on it. I hope so because that times 2 thing really sucks sometimes.

I think I got caught up in all the yay we did it that I overlooked the practical stuff. Like is this really necessary? Tassels? Class rings? I found a website that shows how a homeschooler can do sort of like a yearbook. It looks like a super fancy scrapbook of their year.  I looked at the price and said no. Not to mention the guys didn't want it anyways. We really don't know a whole lot of people to do a party and they are thrilled because they said they really don't want to hang around a bunch of adults getting grilled on what are they going to do with the rest of their lives and put up with kids they can't really stand anyways.

Please tell me how you really feel.

But now I am totally siding with them on this. I heard through the family grapevine a few cousins and an aunt going off about how low we've gotten and what a shame we didn't have the guys license way before now. Now they are tsk tsking about why the guys don't have a job and what a rotten mother I am. Here's the thing with that - they are a bit chicken when it comes to driving and we didn't really have the money for it. Throw in a big move to a huge city and it amped the chicken by a lot. Then get raked over the coals with insurance - times 2. But they are getting better and are almost there. We haven't tackled highway driving yet and I'm not sure who is more nervous - them or me. Plus, they have looked into getting jobs and jobs aren't as plentiful out there as people seem to think. Needless to say, I'm right there with my guys on not wanting to play nice with relatives that constantly look down their noses at us over everything.

And they wonder why I avoid reunions. Nothing like getting treated like you are a piece of poo. If I want that type of treatment I'll talk to my mother.

I had to chill out and remember what it was like when I was their age. I was homeschooled and was thrilled I missed out on prom and didn't have to do the cap and gown thing. I sort of had this concern about tripping on the gown and making and epic lasting impression - and not in a good way. I felt honored when our church called all the grads up and prayed over the group. That was good enough for me. I did have a party but it was more of a pain than a blessing. My mom made me organize it and do most of the work. My brother got married and there was all kinds of drama with that and my mom was doing flowers for a cousin's wedding the following week. It was a lot going on and not to mention my mom wasn't all that um, festive or supportive. Shocker.

Our church is doing the same thing for the grads and we all feel that will be the right thing and then we can come home and have tons of snacks and cake and give them their diplomas. I have this terrible feeling I'm not going to be able to stop crying. Just sitting here typing this and I'm tearing up! I'm proud of them, I'm shocked we made it, and I can't believe it's finally here. And I still feel that algebra is from the underworld! I saw on Pinterest "And satan said, add letters to math" I laughed so hard I snorted!!

But one thing is for sure - I don't want my mom at the church!! She will totally ruin the moment and I can't deal with her. I already feel like a wreck and my mom has zero tolerance for tears. She also has this annoying way of making EVERY FLIPPING THING about her and why SHE'S had it sooo much worse than the rest of us losers. That really isn't the day I want to finally snap and go all gangsta on her. I'll let her know about the snacks and cake but I'm not letting her in about church until after the fact. It's going to be bad enough to hear her tell about what a trial I was. I thought about playing her the song Let It Go but I have this feeling she won't grasp what I'm trying to say. Pity.

I was whining about the whole party thing to a friend of mine and she was telling me that her daughter just graduated college last semester and she spent hundreds of dollars on food and stuff and only 8 people showed up besides grandparents. Ouch! I said I have attended tons of graduation parties, wedding and baby showers, etc that part of me feels like people owe us. Trouble with that is they are all back in another state. And not one of them would travel down here for a visit, which I can't blame them because I've used that very excuse to blow off extended relatives. But it was nice to hear from yet another source that it doesn't always have to be "normal" just try to figure out something that will honor them and let them feel happy rather than obligated.

Plus Sissy might be here and if she's around a party will be had one way or another. Fun will be had, tears will be shed, and cake will be consumed. That sounds like party, right?

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

That Post Where I Ramble On and On

Which should just be code for "another post". It has been crazy! I have this annoying feeling that I say that way too much but it just feels like it. That and I'm too tired to come up with a different way of wording it. I've used Crazy Mc-Dazy too many times as well.

The convention was....interesting. I had a blast with the gals. They were pretty good surviving my near death experience. I wasn't fully awake and didn't notice that I needed to put a bathmat in the shower before I got in. We'll just leave it at "elephant makes a splash" as my feet slid out from under me faster than I could figure out what just happened.

It would have been hilarious had it not happened to me....twice.

I managed to crawl out of the death trap, aka bathtub, and tried to pretend that nothing happened only to step out of the bathroom with concern faces staring at me. They had no idea just how ungraceful I can be. There really isn't a nice way to recover from making it sound like you didn't just destroyed the bathroom. That shower curtain will never be the same though.

Since I don't seem to own a filter, I posted all of this on Facebook and the comments from my Hubby were rather hilarious. Nice to see he takes amusement at my expense. Oh wait. I do that to him all the time. Huh.

The book area was just crazy huge and I was so thankful I didn't have to buy a single thing, because the twins are almost done and I have everything all lined up for Jared already. And there was a loud sigh of relief from my pocketbook. But it was fun to look at stuff, and laugh hysterically because I'm almost there. Sure I got a few weird looks, but I'm actually use to those. I did score a remote controlled pigeon for J's b-day. It's actually pretty cool and it can only be used outside.

Clearly, my evil plan was rather well thought out.

I got to meet The FlyLady. I use to get her emails years ago when I first started this blog. I'm hoping she was just having a bad day, because she was no where near as chipper as what her emails of yore had led me to believe. They were handing out neat little bags and I got a free book about Body Clutter and how to get rid of it. I looked at the author and I looked back at the book. I flipped the book around to read the back of it. Then opened it up and read a few pages and then looked back over to the author. I don't want to say that one stuffed with too much fluff really shouldn't write a book about how to lose said fluff especially with fluff still being all there and fluffy because that just sounds sort of....what's the word I'm looking for? Hypocritical?

I'm now inspired to write a book about how I beat anorexia. Except I've never been anorexic. But I'm sure it could be a slightly entertaining seller where I can pass them out for free to all 3 of my loyal readers. I can't tell if it's 2 or 3. My stats never seem to give me a clear picture.

Anyhoo -

There was a lot of info overload going on. I took notes so fast I'm hoping I'll be able to decipher this stuff once I have a chance to sit down and go through it. I got some great ideas, encouragement to keep going on, but also a huge dose of reality.

I think with all that life has tossed at us I've had the mentality to just hunker down and focus one day at a time and not really being involved in anything. I haven't thought much about the homeschool community much because having graduated through it and raising my boys through it, I sort of thought it was sort of ish the same. Silly me.

There were a couple of speakers that had a lot of warnings of what is on the horizon and it actually surprised me. One lady said we could be an executive order away from homeschooling being illegal and the challenge of what would you do if it was? There were warnings that there is a shift in our culture that seems to be out for blood. Anything you say can get twisted and brought up later. Having gone through that several times I don't find that surprising, but they said this is escalating. The community as a whole has become big enough that we are viewed as a threat and that changes things.

I noticed every single speaker kept giving out warnings about compromises going on. I hadn't heard about all the scandals so I sat there with my mouth hanging open. But I was also rather shocked that some of the speakers there had non biblical world views and alternative lifestyles. That's about as vague as I can put it without getting hate mail. I wanted to ask them what are they doing there? One speaker went out on a limb and said that she feels we're being infiltrated at every angle. She had some valid points. It was a bit sobering.

However, there was also a lot of encouragement. I can say that the face of homeschool has shifted and changed. Both for better and for worse. But as a whole, it was encouraging just to be around that many families that have laid it on the line and have walked it out. I've been to a lot of Christian conferences and after people would leave, I'm always appalled at the trash left behind and the rude behavior. So it was soooo nice to see families pick up after themselves and no kids were running about crashing into people. I felt like I was looking at hope for humanity!

And standing on this side of things - I can say we made the right decision for our family. I can say it was worth all the sacrifices, all the tears and questions because my guys are ready to stand without all the baggage you see weighing down on kids their age. And while they are facing all the uncertainty that comes with this stage, there is something solid about them - grounded, stable, unstoppable.

There were so many times I wanted to give up. I didn't think I had what it takes to finish this thing. And there are still days I wonder! But we had gone out to eat with the in-laws this last Sunday, and I was watching my guys at the far end of the table just chatting with each other and I couldn't help but smile. I looked at Fred and said, "Man, we did good! Especially with a whole lot of help from God!" He totally agrees.

This side of all the dreary days in and out is fun. I feel like the baton is out of my hands - at least it will be once I get the last of the stuff graded and an official transcript is done. Looks like another month. Tests are all scheduled and prep work is in full swing. We got several thing going on all at once and I'm actually having a hard time to just keep everything going without that terrible feeling like I'm forgetting something. Like laundry, or grocery shopping. And it took me a few minutes to find where I left my phone. But.....we.are.almost.there!!!

I think Jared will be done with his stuff by the middle of next week so his summer break will be starting. I gave them a few extra days off for his birthday. Dude is as tall as Fred and shows no signs of stopping. This is going to be an interesting few years with him. If he gets to 6'4" - I'm enrolling him into some sort of volleyball camp. He ate 4 chicken sandwiches for lunch yesterday. Ah, yes. That's where all our money has gone - feeding these people!