Monday, July 7, 2014

It's A New Day

I'm not entirely sure what type of day it will be but it is new. I sort of felt bad for making it sound like the guys aren't doing well driving, which the fact that I even felt guilt for expressing what I was feeling in a moment should tell you the paranoia is still alive and well.

They are doing fine. It just takes practice. And squeezing in all these extra minutes here and there has proven to be challenging. Toss in the fact that the car insurance company has raked us over the coals - times 2 - and then come up with paying for gas on 3 vehicles all while Hubby is still in training and hasn't seen the raises yet has left us scrambling. All that equals up to this chic went out and snagged a part-time job. So did Hubby but that's for another story.

Dude is part cyborg and I honestly don't know how he does it. I'm freaking out about juggling everything and he works like a dog and doesn't bat an eyelash. He works full time at the hospital and part-time at a Menard's in the evening. The guys mowed the lawn yesterday and Hubby went out and raked the whole yard, logged in more driving time with the guys, it was his night to cook, and he worked a 4 hour shift. And this is his weekend off from the hospital.

I am not worthy to carry his slippers.

But all of this has caused a lot of feelings to come bubbling up. I knew I was an emotional mess but holy smokes! I feel like I'm getting tossed all over the board here! Honestly, if I were try to put it all out here of what a hot mess I've been over it, your eyes would give up the will to read. It's been hard on me and right now I'm freaking out about scheduling and getting everything done. The thing I'm sort of steamed over is I just got all the transcripts done, just felt like I got the guys squared away and now I'm off to a job and leaving it to them to hold the fort down. Part of me is having a hissy fit because when was I going to have some ME time?

And I'll wait as you catch your breath from laughing hysterically.

I told myself all winter long to hang in there, the older guys were almost done and that is one huge check off the list, and then I could focus on some other things. Ha! That was funny! Except now I'm mad at myself and feel like somehow I should have seen this coming (I didn't) and that I should have planned better. If I only had a nickle for every time I thought that!!

It's kind of hard too because everyone is so excited for me because and I quote "it'll get you out of the house". I'm sorry, but have you seen the people that are out there? And you want me to go be a part of it because why??? And judging by people's reaction they seem to think I've suffered being at home and are totally blowing off how upset I am over all this change.

Hey! Guess what? I STILL DON'T LIKE CHANGE!!!!

It's a fabric and craft store and if you squint, my name is in it. I think this is the only place I could survive at since I've been doing crafts forever. The funny part is I hate to sew. All thanks to an unfortunate bobbin incident when I was in junior high taking a home ec class. (I couldn't get the stupid machine threaded no matter how many times I tried. It was pitiful. I even looked at the teacher and said just hand me my failing grade now and put us both out of our misery. Hard to believe I redeemed myself in the cooking section and was the only reason I even passed.)

I sort of begged to not have to be near any of the sewing and when asked why I said sewing machines can sense my fear. They laughed so hard and said I was hired. I'm not sure I'm going to get my wish.

Actually, funny story about that is - the night before my interview I was all over Pinterest to get ideas and what to say etc. I go in and I'm asked to tell a bit about myself and why I want the job. I got to the part where car insurance is the devil and they are robbing us blind so I need money, and the lady hiring was nodding her head and we ended up having a half hour rant about car insurance and it turned into 2 friends catching up over coffee.

Never asked me any of those questions I spent all my time preparing to answer.

Fred laughed so hard when I told him. He was on the floor gasping for air saying only I could skate out of answering questions and turn it into a social gathering. I'm not sure if I should be insulted. Personally, I think he's just jealous because he's not good on the social skills.

But thanks to modern technology, I got to do all my paperwork online. Cue some evil form of music because that whole mess was enough for me to give up the will to live. It took days to wade through all of it and after being on hold with tech support for a few hours all while I tried really hard to understand what the Sam hill they were saying, I'm pretty sure the eye twitch started its own theme song. I thought I had it all done as that's what the confirmation email said, but sadly I go on my first day only to have it say nope! We spent hours with more tech support and I was sent home to try and fix it on my end. More hours wasted, and a whole lot of cussing muttering, I think it's all fixed. But by the time this all got squared away, the managers had left....to go on vacation.

This is way too much effort on a job I didn't really want to get as far as I'm concern. And to top all that off, I feel like God has been extra giddy about this and I'm not sure what to make of that. Which I've had choice words for Him about this whole ordeal, let me tell you! Life has not gone according to plan. Every time I try to plan, it goes up in smoke. I think I keep hoping God is going to swoop in and fix everything and I'm finding He hasn't therefore He's not going to, so time to put on the trudging shoes and get on with it.

Oh trudging! How you never seem to really go away.

I'm sure this will give some interesting new blog fodder. Certainly looks like I'm going to need more therapy before this is all over with. Especially since they just called and I'm going in this afternoon. Oy!

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