Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Well Dunk My Butt In A Bucket Of Vinegar And Call Me A Pickle

Because we are in a pickle....again.

Why can't I seem to get it through my head that I'm not a normal person and therefore don't get to experience normal things in a normal way??? Normal people apply for a mortgage and provide their paperwork and done. For us? Not even close!

If you've been through a foreclosure, most lenders will turn you down flat. Doesn't matter that it was later determined that you were wrongfully foreclosed on because that doesn't show up on your credit report. You only get to apply for "special programs" for losers people like you.  It turns out that you can't even think of getting a mortgage until it has been 3 years after your house was yanked out from under you the sheriff's sale. We sat for 2 years in foreclosure status before that even happened. And heaven help you if your loan officer turns out to be a douche bag turd blossom like ours has been who has dragged his feet every.step.of.the.way. and doesn't bother to let you know little things like what paperwork is needed or if you're approved or not. Fred has had to email this guy constantly to get updates.

Our sad tale of woe had to go before an underwriter and special committee which we were supposed to know the outcome of all that weeks ago. We found out that the first committee turned us down because said turd blossom didn't bother to tell them the dates and all that jazz, so they thought we were a couple months shy of the okay we'll look in your general direction period. Had to get a copy from from old city to prove it has been more than 3 years and we are in the clear. We think he was going to let us get turned down without much of an explanation. Since Fred was on top of it, they are re-reconsidering. That was 2 weeks ago and we've heard nothing. Time marches on and we have to renew our lease with the worthless rental company by the end of this month. It's not looking good.

That banging noise you hear is me slamming my head into a wall to just end it all. Especially since all the houses we were looking at have all sold while they make up their minds. Which is confusing because we thought we already had approval for the loan or we never would have gone house hunting to begin with so there's that pickle. Since the guy tends to avoid us when there is bad news, we've come to the conclusion it's not going to happen. I think they are hoping we'll just slink away back to our sad little hole because how can he justify stringing someone along like that? We've already come up with Plan Q, which may stand for quit making plans because they don't work out.

Another pickle is last week - I can't even remember what day it happened - Thursday, I think? Fred was on his way to work about 6 a.m. It was dark, raining, no street lights, busy street. He got over into the lane for the highway ramp and there was a man walking in the street and Fred hit him. Fred is fine, the guy is still in ICU. The cops have said it wasn't Fred's fault, but we're still upset over the whole thing. The guy was wearing dark clothes, no flashlight to warn people he was there. That guy was going to get hit. It's too bad it was Fred. Car insurance won't pay for squat because we have everything but collision. But they have informed us that if we get sued by the guy they will handle all of it. Come again?

It was that last part that sort of made me snap. I asked if we could sue the guy for damaging our car and for being an idiot for walking in the road, in dark clothes while it was dark out. I've been told that's kind of cold so it sounds like that's a no. The car is fine, just needs a new windshield and we'll have to live with the dent in the hood for now. The frustrating part is we just got the guys' car back from the shop and now Fred is driving it until we can get the new windshield. Part of me is like yay we were prepared for once, while the other part is you got to be #@$! kidding me!!!! I don't blame him for not wanting to drive his car until it's fixed. I'm praying he doesn't relive the whole thing over and over. He's picked up a lot of overtime, I'm hoping that keeps him busy so he's not constantly thinking about it. He had to find another way to go to work because idiots down here walk in busy streets and act like they own the road.

All of this is right after me coming back from the homeschool convention. It was wonderful! We had tons of laughs, lots of encouragement, and I felt some serious nudges. But I'm really confused by those nudges. Mom is the heart of the home - she knows the pulse and what all is going on, but that only happens if she's actually home. (And not distracted but that's a whole different blog post.) I already know this and I haven't been happy at all about our current situation. I sort of got crappy with God saying hey, you want me home - make it happen. And then I came home to all this other mess going on and that just makes my head hurt even more.

Then my mother calls and goes off on me about the guys. I know our situation isn't normal, nor ideal, but it is what it is. And something new I'm facing, all those congratulations for homeschooling have now turned into digs about what are the guys doing NOW?! I'm still a firm believer to ask 19 year olds to figure out the rest of their lives has to be some form of insanity. They better know before they strap on all that debt of a student loan, because I know a lot of people that are having to work 2 jobs just to barely survive and for what? Most of them did not pursue or couldn't get a job in the field of their degree. So to just go to college because it's the normal thing to do? Well....that leaves me questioning normal. Seeking wisdom and putting together a plan doesn't seem to fit well with most people's normal.

Then again, all our plans have gone up in smoke, so apparently my 2 cents worth doesn't mean much.

There have been pluses and once a few more things line up, things are going to shift here. Although, it turns out the twins are better teachers than I am because Jared is already done with his schoolwork and is on summer break thanks to all their help. And Nicholas has everything graded! I should have put him in charge years ago! They've all stepped up and had to do stuff to help out that they normally wouldn't have had to do. So yay for learning lessons! But things need to shift and my problem is I wanted it to shift months ago. The guys were teasing me that I'm just presented with another opportunity to strengthen my patience muscle. Which I said they are still alive so my muscles are fully developed. That and I said bite me, can't wait to see you in the real world and how you get to put this into practice yourself.

We've known for many years I'm not the mature one of the group, but I still have Jared beat....by a little bit.

And in the midst of all this, God has put a few people on my heart to really pray for and to encourage them. Not exactly sure how well that is going to be received. I was in a session with Heidi St John and oh my gosh she is hilarious. She has a way of smacking you upside the head but not in a mean way. It was just truth and in a funny way, but when you really thought about what she said you realized you just got smacked. Things like not being distracted and really being there. Because we've all been there but not there, if you know what I mean. I'm taking notes like crazy and the whole time I felt like the Holy Spirit was saying so and so would really be encouraged by this. I'm all like, well they aren't here so sucks to be them, and kept going. Until it came time to buy some of those sessions on CDs. I felt that weight press on me and it was like I just lost 10 rounds of rock, paper, scissors and we hadn't even started yet. Nice to see I've matured somewhat and bought the CDs. We'll leave off that they are still sitting in the backpack and I haven't unpacked it yet. I got through step one with little resistance, so that has to count for something, right? Right?

I see a few things down the road that I need to make myself be available for, and I'm not sure how to make that happen. Sitting back and waiting on God to make it happen has not worked at all. Matter of fact, things got a lot worse until I said, 'fine, screw you I'll do it myself.' Not saying that is the best attitude to have, but there have been a lot of learning lessons along the way that makes me wonder if that was His intention all along and I was just a bit slow to pick up on it. For starters, God has been all over me about being bitter. My first response was me? Bitter? Ya think? I've been informed that was proving the point and the fact that I've so willingly embraced it is a problem. The sad thing is I actually wanted to justify why I was bitter and list all the reasons why....which...sounds......so.........bitter. 

Not fun to pickle myself with all the emotional stews we have going on. I hope someday all of this will make sense. I mean, I can't be the only cucumber out there that is surprised to find it has turned into a pickle. And the irony is I don't like pickles.