Monday, November 2, 2015

A List As To Why My Nerves Are Not Happy

I had a moment where I was ready to wave a white flag and and scream, "I surrender!!!!" all dramatic like William Wallace in Braveheart. Granted, I'm not having my guts yanked out, but emotionally it certainly feels like it. So much so, that my sanity did take a belly flop off of the cliffs of insanity and is currently doggie-paddling through denial.

Story No.1
We had a mouse get in the house. As in saw the critter doing mach 6 along the floor. It was his 5th flyby that my brain could process what I just saw and then proceed to freak out. Mouse traps loaded with peanut butter were laid out, and the little rat fink managed to swipe a fair share of PB before meeting his demise. Since it got in through the garage door (because I stupidly left the door propped open when we were bringing in groceries not realizing that a mouse or 20 was floating around in the garage) and we had some extra traps, we set a few out in the garage. I'm just going to say I'm still kinda of freaked out that 1 of the traps has gone MIA. Now I'm starting to list off critters that will just act like a mouse trap is some fancy new designer jewelry rather than the death trap it was meant to be.

Why did I do zoology with J? Why?!? And when I mentioned this, he filled in a few more suggestions that I hadn't thought of. Thanks a lot kid.

I thought that our mouse drama was all done as we had quite the pile of mouse bodies, but sadly that would be a no. I was cleaning up after dinner and heard a lot of scratching under the sink. We sat down to watch some TV and I just happened to look over into the kitchen when I saw an itty bitty mouse walking around all chill like as if he was touring the place to see if this would work for him. The kick board under the cabinet sink was missing as we think they had water damage at one time. I think this is where Tiny got in so I had Fred fix the problem. Trouble with that is he left the back door propped open for the compressor hose and a few more mice got in.

Of course they did! Because the eye twitch didn't have enough things to twitch about.

We set out even more traps so the kitchen ended up looking like a minefield. I would like to take this moment to point out that Cinderella had to have had hamsters because these things are so tiny. And PB is mouse crack. They've cleaned out 4 traps while we were standing around in the kitchen. Because we are very observant around here. Thankfully, it seems we've got them all. The trap right by the frig was the winner with 4 kills. We got a few more in the garage and I will be putting decon on my list of things to get immediately. Because eww. Just eww

More Eww with Story No.2
I was not aware that there are rather large spiders down here in the big city. I mean mutant, spooky, I will eat your liver size spiders. It takes at least, AT LEAST (did you read that?) 3 whacks to stun it before you can slow it down long enough to crush it. The carnage from these nasty things is film worthy. M went to grab a flyswatter and I said to use my shoe instead as the sucker would have yanked the flyswatter out of his hand and used it on him.

Good granny!

We've sprayed around the house but ran out of the stuff before we got to the front porch area. And it seems anytime someone comes through the front door a spider would scoot right on in. How we have missed a huge spider the size and thickness of a golf ball hanging around the door confuses me. Although now that we managed to miss a few mice swipe PB right in front of us I guess I should not be confused anymore. My hero came home with more bug spray and pretty much baptized the front door for me. I have yet to go outside and clean the glass door from all his spray drippings because I was too busy thinking I'm going to catch a mouse with a broom and a dustpan.

At least mice aren't as scary as a squirrel is when it charges at you. I still haven't forgotten THAT incident of yore.

I would also like to rant that Pinterest has lied to me as it claimed both mice and spiders don't like peppermint oil. I had previously hosed down all the doors with watered down peppermint oil and they didn't seem to notice at all. I even tried spearmint just in case I got the wrong mint and it didn't do squat.

I haven't seen any more mutant spiders but they must not be happy because I woke up with a couple spider bites on my eyelid. MY FREAKING EYELID!!! I'm not sure what type of revenge this is but it seems pretty serious. I have milked the line from Megamind, "my spider bite is acting up" approximately 342 times. The other night it got really itchy and I just wanted to find a shoulder and rub my eyelid all over it because I apparently I'm part cat.

Story No.3
Long story short, we have a security system that pretty much hates me. I say hate because me, myself, and only I have managed to set the thing off a few times. I was doing dishes late one night and put a lid on the crock pot and it thought a window broke and went off. Another one was I'm still not use to this oven + I was trying a new recipe = hey the smoke alarm works! My ears were still ringing an hour later.
My favorite - read that sarcastically - is when it loses signal, it will freak out. Not sure why it's losing signal but not a fan of it freaking out. Especially when it's 4:30 in the morning, and I was home alone because the guys went camping for some manly quality time. The advertisement said to bring you peace of mind. I say bull hockey! It's made me jumpy. And kind of hateful as I stick my tongue out at it almost every time I walk past it.

I've been told I really need to start acting more mature as I'm setting a bad example. That and I can't refer to it as Ethel who tends to lose her mind. I did apologize to it and have now called it Spike hoping this will make it feel more protective rather than feeling all senile. We'll see if this will make it behave.

Story No.4
A few weekends ago I ended up staying with my mom to help her out with a craft show. I'm not exactly sure how I got roped into this, but I survived. I had to help her out as my dad, once again, overbooked himself. At one point my mom yanked on my arm and pointed out a gal that has us still chuckling. All I can say is bless her heart and at least she tried. She had on leggings and a top that covered her rear end, however, the top was a few sizes too snug as it was on that booty like plastic wrap. It bonus points as it had a dog picture that landed right on the booty with the front legs on one cheek and the back legs on the other cheek. It gave a whole new meaning to walking the dog, because it looked like the dog was actually walking with every step she took. And there was my mother and I trying not to snort with laughter.

Because we are a legacy of maturity.

In the middle of all that, my grandma was having all kinds of heart issues. So after we wrapped up the show, mom had to run over and stay with grandma. The hard part is grandma and my mom don't get along that great. That whole mother in law relationship is rather tricky. I would like to think I'm going to make a great MIL some day because I'm armed with a lot of don't do this or that real life experiences from multi-generations. One can hope.

Story No.5
The whole job application has been a bit stressful. Especially when the guys have been required to take 15 page psychological and personality profiles. I'm rather surprised how flipping uppity some of these stores are getting on their hiring process. If you actually pass that level, they let you move on and again, everyone is requiring a resume. I thought we were all going to need therapy and/or a stiff drink after a couple. It took all of us scrambling for info and after 3 hours they both had only applied to 1 store each. Re-donku-lous! Very grateful for the few people that have been willing to be references for the guys. If that wasn't stressful enough, toss in a couple interviews and the whole thanks, we'll call you. Way to leave them hanging.

That sort of leads right into Story No. 6
We're a bit discouraged. Lot of applications, only a few interviews, and still left hanging. I've been assured by numerous people this is normal and all part of the hiring process now days, but it has brought out my pushy side. It was brought to my attention that I tend to completely overwhelm the guys with words in general. We were having a discussion about all my pushiness and how pressure is being felt. I pointed out that I had to push because he's blown off a few things and now instead of one thing to deal with, he now has a few piled up. It seems I have passed along the procrastinating gene. Of course, it has to land on the one that has anxiety issues and a touch of OCD. Even though I was right on my points, I did acknowledge that he was completely right that I tend to hose them all down with lists upon lists and all the words. My mind is always thinking about 50 different things. I start to build up a list of things to "mention" to the guys but I don't always have time. So once I remember or have the chance - open the flood gates!

It was one of those conversations that you know you're both right but you just feel like you blew the whole thing, but it doesn't make the situation any better because life keeps on chugging. On top of it, I had kept pushing for 2 different stores for the guys to apply at, and both kept saying they weren't getting any peace about it and blew me off. I was irritated about it and kept bringing up both stores over and over in that whole flood of words. Last week both places had shootings within a couple days of each other. That was a huge humble pie shoved in the face. Neither guy said "I told you so!" but I caught the look they exchanged with each other when we heard the news.

They really are taking the time to hear from God. And I really should be proud of them that they are putting a lot of things into practice. I just can't seem to get past the frustration that the door hasn't opened faster and sooner for them. I think it's my own issues I'm pushing off onto them. I told them this too and said I have no idea how not to do it either. I'm done offering suggestions because between the 2 of them, they have hosed everyone down. Now I get to sit through those withered looks they shoot at me that screams "Oh mother! You have no idea what you are talking about!"

Right. Because it's not like I have life experiences or anything. Just a complete moron who has managed not to kill them off.

The day is young.

I think I'm also extra emotional because they are turning 20 this week. How in da hail did that happen?!? I look back at all the stuff I've wanted to do for them and couldn't. I look at all the junk we've gone through and wished we hadn't. But they really are quite amazing and have a deeper faith than I ever had. I was told that because they were early, it would take them a while to catch up. They'll get there - they always have and usually the extra few paces gives them a better insight and grasp on things.

If I could just.stop.freaking.out and, for all that is good and holy, stop being so impatient and frustrated about everything! Might as well ask for world peace while I'm tackling the impossible.

Story No.7
As if finding out I'm sort of the main source of the twins' anxiety lately wasn't enough to have me running for the hills, but apparently my youngest son is a total chick magnet. While I was up helping my mom, J was helping my dad at a covered bridge festival selling BBQ sauce. My dad has said every.single.time he takes J, the girls check him out something fierce. A few of them will even drag their parents over to buy something just so they can bat their eyelashes at him. All of which flies right over his head. Dad said this one girl had the hots for the boy and stalked him. She kept walking by the booth trying to get dude's attention, sometimes he would nod at her, but mostly tried to ignored her. She asked if she could take his picture with the sauce so she could get her mom to buy some aaannnd he actually believed her.

Clueless - thy name is Jared.

Dude went to get some water and she followed him. She walked up to him and started talking away at him, and then just reached over and grabbed his hand. He said it was the most awkward thing in the world. He said he tried to pull his hand away but she had a death grip on his hand. He came back to the booth and he said she side hugged him for almost a minute. He was not thrilled. My dad was wheezing with laughter at this point telling me about it while dude was several shades of red. But then she followed him into the booth and my dad had to shoo her away as that can cause liability issues. She must have had her feelings hurt, because she ran over to her dad and said something to him, who then came to their booth and yelled at my dad to keep his grandson away from his daughter.

My dad better be glad I wasn't there. Because couldn't you just see me going off on him to keep his little creepier away and causing a bit of a commotion? I sure could!

Not going to lie, the whole thing sort of freaks me out. That could have turned ugly. This girl stalks him, takes his picture, grabs him, but if she would have said anything against him, he would have looked bad even though he didn't do anything. He had less than zero interest, didn't encourage her, didn't know how to get her to leave him alone, and had to stand there as the dad yelled at him to stay away from his daughter. I'm still a bit shocked at how bold this girl was but at the same time I'm not. Dad pointed out that Jared is a good looking kid, he has confidence, and he's very likable.

I might have to arm my kid with bear spray from now on.

It's weird. You have talks with your kids to look out for suspicious people and to be aware of their surroundings. Didn't really picture myself having to tell my guys to watch out for stalkers and protect their reputations because girls are crazy. Don't get me wrong, we've had talks. Lots of talks. It's still weird though, because in all my scenarios in my head, never pictured my guys getting stalked.

We were all at a restaurant and I went to use the bathroom. A gal followed me in and asked if N had a girlfriend, and if he didn't could I put in a good word for her with....wait for it.....my brother! That turned several shades weird when I said that was my son! And that was a no go on the good word part. At least she had the decency to blush. I noticed a gal checking out M while we were visiting a church a few weeks ago. I asked him about it and he said he is so freaked out trying to figure out his future that a girl is the last thing he needs in his life right now. I had to laugh at that one. Fine with me!

I was telling Sissy about the whole thing with J and she said aww he survived his first stalking. It took me a few beats to realize she wasn't joking. She started laughing at me and said all of her friends would stalk guys. She informed me that we have been living in a bubble because we should have had this happening for the last few years. I'm now terrified. I seriously felt a new crop of grey hair pop up over this last couple weeks over everything. Seriously do not need chick drama right now thankyouverymuch!!

On top of that, Jared got sick the last two days and ended up sitting in dad's van. Dad complained a lot how he wasn't much help the last day. Dude was running a fever and did not feel good at all. I asked dad why he didn't just text me and I would have swamped out guys as M was willing to help out. He said he didn't even think about it. But instead, he complains to me and constantly points out how he was frustrated with J. Never said anything to the boy but expects him to be older and act accordingly. I think I see why my brother acted out like he did at this age. Very frustrating when you can't seem to please someone no matter how hard you try. Grr.

And last story
I got an email from the regional store asking me to come back to Jo-Ann's for a seasonal position. I'm actually considering it. And then I tend to smack myself in the face for even thinking it. Fred tells me no because we are hopeful one of these places is going to hire the guys here shortly, and I've already had to be a taxi a few times with schedules all over the place. Toss in how unpredictable my work schedule was and the possibility of leaving the guys in the lurch is highly probable. But that whole extra money thing is tempting. I know the store, I know where stuff is, I know how to run the registers, I know the job so it wouldn't rattle me at all. But my favorite manager moved to a different state, some of my favorite people have quit, I hate closing, holiday shoppers are the devil, the traffic up there is psychotic, and they have all new different policies from new management that has caused the store to take a nose dive in the toilet.

So the nerves and emotions are on overdrive right now. The good news is I finished my blanket I was making and I have a lovely new blanket fort to not want to crawl out from underneath. Except the weather is still in the 70s. Because Indiana weather is weird. I had the heat on last week and almost turned the air on yesterday.

But I'm prepared for when it's cooler. Hopefully the nerves will chill out too.

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