Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Pre-Operation Procedures Are Overwhelming

Finally met the oncologist yesterday. I am convinced IU Cancer Doctors are at a level of chill the rest of us humans can only dream of achieving. Either that or they have access to the really good drugs.

My natural distrust of doctors is alive and well. One doc said if I would have stayed on bc pills I wouldn't be facing cancer. I said, "no, probably 15 to life for stabbing someone stupid." It should also be noted that some doctors don't have a sense of humor. The main oncologist thinks I am awesome, so yay for me. Her henchman thinks I'm an idiot. Actually, I did surprise him. Since Dr. Google and I had weeks before my appointment, this former homeschool mom researched the ever living crap out endometrial cancer. I started asking him about getting my genetic markers tested as I think Lynch syndrome could be a high possibility as there is a lot of colon cancer on my mom's side.

Let's face it, we all knew my name would be attached to a syndrome at some point.

So I scored some points. I got the whole what have you done with your life questions that moved onto what are the guys doing to prove if it was worth it questions. While they aren't there yet - they aren't a barista at Starbucks with 100,000 student loans so....suck it. (No offense to the baristas out there. I just think that's not the end all, be all type of job because dealing with people will cause one to drink...not coffee.) I get defensive - I can't help it. They all fall under the same creative type like myself and I think it's a hard road to travel as that path isn't very clear.

I still haven't found the yellow brick road and I'm starting to think that shady cat had something to do with it.

I was not prepared for the pre-op part. Like, at all. They run you through tests to see if you are healthy enough to survive surgery. Say what now? There is a butt-ton of stuff I gotta do starting now. They aren't happy with my blood pressure. Actually, they aren't happy I don't have a regular doctor. I get told I'm crazy, fat, lazy, and everyone of them get really angry when I say no to bc pills and/or whatever pill is the flavor of the day. For all the good they claim bc pills are to stop PCOS crazy, I've never understood why it came with its own brand of crazy that doctors want me to live with. My crazy isn't normal, but the pill's crazy is? And I'm the crazy one because...?

I had to get a blood pressure monitor as I got to check it 3 times a day for the next week. I got to give them readings of it because if it remains high I have to go on meds before surgery. I must have been nerves because I was down 30 points once we got home. I didn't think I was nervous. Well, I wasn't until they start poking and prodding, asking me everything I thought I might have come in contact with since I was 12, and then hooking me up to an EKG machine. You want to know what will make you nervous? Watching someone slap stickers on you and then pull out what looks like a bunch of jumper cables and proceed to attach me to said cables.

I'm pretty sure I felt a cortisol spike on that one.

I got to do breathing exercises, I have to eat a ton of protein, and then a week before surgery there is even more stuff to do. Everyone says clean like crazy because it's probably going to be 2 months before I can do anything. I invent reasons not to clean - I think I can handle that part. Not true, but it sounds funny.

Here's hoping I don't lose it, develop any eye-twitches, or have any crying spells.....today.

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Well Ain't That A Kick In The Pants

When we last heard from our heroine, she was basking in the smugness of being all done with school stuff, forever and ever, amen! Sure it has been stupid busy, but when isn't it? My summer of me turned out not to be. Mainly because parallel parking is from the underworld and it took Jared longer to pass all that then expected. But we got through it! Then fall rolled around and we've been crazy busy with stuff at church.

Excuse to procrastinate? Possible. But pain finally forced me to go to the doc and deal with it. So long story short, George the angry uterus has been going overboard on the crazy. I was having cyst popping, cramps that reminded me of labor, and lets not forget the sheer amount of bleeding.

As if I could ignore that part.

Had tons of tests, was not getting much on answers as the internal ultrasound showed no fibroid, or cyst, so a biopsy was ordered. And then I got to wait and wait. Got the results back as early stages of slow growing endometrial cancer.

Well....

Thanks a lot George! Actually it's the PCOS being untreated, but don't get me started on that.

I knew hysterectomy was one of the possibilities, but wasn't ready at how fast I got toss to the cancer center. I haven't even gone yet as my appointment is still a week out. I know nothing. So Dr. Google and I are having a splendid time. While I'm still trying to process all of this, my mom has decided to tell everyone and their neighbor, and their neighbor's dog. I've had emails, texts, and phone calls annnnd I got no information to pass along. No date on the surgery, no idea what the next steps are - nothing! Nadda!

I'm starting to freak out how many people want to set up a vigil at the hospital. Eww. And why? I'm gonna get gutted like a fish and I heard gas is a pretty big deal, so I find that all kinds of awkies to have visitors while I'm ripping out tunes from down under.

In all seriousness, I am so grateful for the people that have been praying for me. It's sort of a terrible hole to go from a diagnosis to waiting to meet the oncologist. You can't really brace yourself on what's next because from what I've gathered it all depends on what stage you are and they really won't know that until they remove George and biopsy all of it on the spot. So there you sit and have subtle little thoughts. I think all the prayers have kept it to an annoying whisper instead of an overwhelming tidal wave.

I got everyone asking me how I feel. I feel the same as I have before the diagnosis. Nothing has changed physically yet all of the sudden I'm looked at differently. Weird. I told my Dad I think people make up their mind one way or the other before they even meet the oncologist what the outcome is going to be.

I've already had family members tell me that cancer comes from bitterness and unforgiveness. Gee thanks. But if that were the whole story this would have shown up a lot sooner. Which I'm not totally dismissing it, but genetics has a huge role. Endo cancer is from too much estrogen which goes back to PCOS which their only solution for it is bc pills which has estrogen in it. Say what now? (Oh look! I just went there.) So treatment is going to be interesting because there is still the root cause that no one really knows what to do with it other than bc pills. Toss in instant menopause, not to mention we don't know what treatments will be for the cancer.

Y'all better pray for my men folk because they really don't know what type of she-beast is going to be coming home from the hospital!

Part of me is pissed off because woo hoo I just got done with all the homeschool stuff! Now this? But I'm pretty quick to say thank God this didn't happen sooner! If this was a genetic fight I was going to have to face at some point in my life - then thank God it's now and not sooner! There was no way I was mentally strong enough to resist the temptation of giving up a few years ago. 6 years ago, 10 years ago.

At first I was like wait, I'm better now so I shouldn't be going through this! But I can also look at it I'm stronger now, I can beat this. Huge factor is it's slow growing and early stages. Gal I used to work with just died of stage 4 ovarian cancer and it was an ugly fight. A good friend of mine is still in a major battle with the same thing. It's a scary thing. Why does one body fight it off and another doesn't? Not every treatment works the same for everyone. My mom is on me to do it naturally - she beat colon cancer with no chemo or radiation. My husband, who works for a hospital, would say do whatever they tell me to do regardless of the side effects. And there's my butt is in the middle trying to hear what's best for me.

I think Jared is the one having the hardest with all of this. He's going to be stuck being my everything for at least a month. I was around his age when my Dad had his first heart attack. It's hard seeing your parent as being, well, human - fragile. But he's right in the middle of his own life getting some traction and have to put that on hold to take care of his mom - that's got to do a number on a person. I'm hoping that won't be the case. I've spent the last few years bending over backwards with his older brothers, I want to be able to do the same for him.

And who knows? Maybe this will force me back to writing again. Goodness knows this hole blog has been a big ol bowl of whining, so what's a few more rants in the mix?