Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Pre-Operation Procedures Are Overwhelming

Finally met the oncologist yesterday. I am convinced IU Cancer Doctors are at a level of chill the rest of us humans can only dream of achieving. Either that or they have access to the really good drugs.

My natural distrust of doctors is alive and well. One doc said if I would have stayed on bc pills I wouldn't be facing cancer. I said, "no, probably 15 to life for stabbing someone stupid." It should also be noted that some doctors don't have a sense of humor. The main oncologist thinks I am awesome, so yay for me. Her henchman thinks I'm an idiot. Actually, I did surprise him. Since Dr. Google and I had weeks before my appointment, this former homeschool mom researched the ever living crap out endometrial cancer. I started asking him about getting my genetic markers tested as I think Lynch syndrome could be a high possibility as there is a lot of colon cancer on my mom's side.

Let's face it, we all knew my name would be attached to a syndrome at some point.

So I scored some points. I got the whole what have you done with your life questions that moved onto what are the guys doing to prove if it was worth it questions. While they aren't there yet - they aren't a barista at Starbucks with 100,000 student loans so....suck it. (No offense to the baristas out there. I just think that's not the end all, be all type of job because dealing with people will cause one to drink...not coffee.) I get defensive - I can't help it. They all fall under the same creative type like myself and I think it's a hard road to travel as that path isn't very clear.

I still haven't found the yellow brick road and I'm starting to think that shady cat had something to do with it.

I was not prepared for the pre-op part. Like, at all. They run you through tests to see if you are healthy enough to survive surgery. Say what now? There is a butt-ton of stuff I gotta do starting now. They aren't happy with my blood pressure. Actually, they aren't happy I don't have a regular doctor. I get told I'm crazy, fat, lazy, and everyone of them get really angry when I say no to bc pills and/or whatever pill is the flavor of the day. For all the good they claim bc pills are to stop PCOS crazy, I've never understood why it came with its own brand of crazy that doctors want me to live with. My crazy isn't normal, but the pill's crazy is? And I'm the crazy one because...?

I had to get a blood pressure monitor as I got to check it 3 times a day for the next week. I got to give them readings of it because if it remains high I have to go on meds before surgery. I must have been nerves because I was down 30 points once we got home. I didn't think I was nervous. Well, I wasn't until they start poking and prodding, asking me everything I thought I might have come in contact with since I was 12, and then hooking me up to an EKG machine. You want to know what will make you nervous? Watching someone slap stickers on you and then pull out what looks like a bunch of jumper cables and proceed to attach me to said cables.

I'm pretty sure I felt a cortisol spike on that one.

I got to do breathing exercises, I have to eat a ton of protein, and then a week before surgery there is even more stuff to do. Everyone says clean like crazy because it's probably going to be 2 months before I can do anything. I invent reasons not to clean - I think I can handle that part. Not true, but it sounds funny.

Here's hoping I don't lose it, develop any eye-twitches, or have any crying spells.....today.

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Well Ain't That A Kick In The Pants

When we last heard from our heroine, she was basking in the smugness of being all done with school stuff, forever and ever, amen! Sure it has been stupid busy, but when isn't it? My summer of me turned out not to be. Mainly because parallel parking is from the underworld and it took Jared longer to pass all that then expected. But we got through it! Then fall rolled around and we've been crazy busy with stuff at church.

Excuse to procrastinate? Possible. But pain finally forced me to go to the doc and deal with it. So long story short, George the angry uterus has been going overboard on the crazy. I was having cyst popping, cramps that reminded me of labor, and lets not forget the sheer amount of bleeding.

As if I could ignore that part.

Had tons of tests, was not getting much on answers as the internal ultrasound showed no fibroid, or cyst, so a biopsy was ordered. And then I got to wait and wait. Got the results back as early stages of slow growing endometrial cancer.


Thanks a lot George! Actually it's the PCOS being untreated, but don't get me started on that.

I knew hysterectomy was one of the possibilities, but wasn't ready at how fast I got toss to the cancer center. I haven't even gone yet as my appointment is still a week out. I know nothing. So Dr. Google and I are having a splendid time. While I'm still trying to process all of this, my mom has decided to tell everyone and their neighbor, and their neighbor's dog. I've had emails, texts, and phone calls annnnd I got no information to pass along. No date on the surgery, no idea what the next steps are - nothing! Nadda!

I'm starting to freak out how many people want to set up a vigil at the hospital. Eww. And why? I'm gonna get gutted like a fish and I heard gas is a pretty big deal, so I find that all kinds of awkies to have visitors while I'm ripping out tunes from down under.

In all seriousness, I am so grateful for the people that have been praying for me. It's sort of a terrible hole to go from a diagnosis to waiting to meet the oncologist. You can't really brace yourself on what's next because from what I've gathered it all depends on what stage you are and they really won't know that until they remove George and biopsy all of it on the spot. So there you sit and have subtle little thoughts. I think all the prayers have kept it to an annoying whisper instead of an overwhelming tidal wave.

I got everyone asking me how I feel. I feel the same as I have before the diagnosis. Nothing has changed physically yet all of the sudden I'm looked at differently. Weird. I told my Dad I think people make up their mind one way or the other before they even meet the oncologist what the outcome is going to be.

I've already had family members tell me that cancer comes from bitterness and unforgiveness. Gee thanks. But if that were the whole story this would have shown up a lot sooner. Which I'm not totally dismissing it, but genetics has a huge role. Endo cancer is from too much estrogen which goes back to PCOS which their only solution for it is bc pills which has estrogen in it. Say what now? (Oh look! I just went there.) So treatment is going to be interesting because there is still the root cause that no one really knows what to do with it other than bc pills. Toss in instant menopause, not to mention we don't know what treatments will be for the cancer.

Y'all better pray for my men folk because they really don't know what type of she-beast is going to be coming home from the hospital!

Part of me is pissed off because woo hoo I just got done with all the homeschool stuff! Now this? But I'm pretty quick to say thank God this didn't happen sooner! If this was a genetic fight I was going to have to face at some point in my life - then thank God it's now and not sooner! There was no way I was mentally strong enough to resist the temptation of giving up a few years ago. 6 years ago, 10 years ago.

At first I was like wait, I'm better now so I shouldn't be going through this! But I can also look at it I'm stronger now, I can beat this. Huge factor is it's slow growing and early stages. Gal I used to work with just died of stage 4 ovarian cancer and it was an ugly fight. A good friend of mine is still in a major battle with the same thing. It's a scary thing. Why does one body fight it off and another doesn't? Not every treatment works the same for everyone. My mom is on me to do it naturally - she beat colon cancer with no chemo or radiation. My husband, who works for a hospital, would say do whatever they tell me to do regardless of the side effects. And there's my butt is in the middle trying to hear what's best for me.

I think Jared is the one having the hardest with all of this. He's going to be stuck being my everything for at least a month. I was around his age when my Dad had his first heart attack. It's hard seeing your parent as being, well, human - fragile. But he's right in the middle of his own life getting some traction and have to put that on hold to take care of his mom - that's got to do a number on a person. I'm hoping that won't be the case. I've spent the last few years bending over backwards with his older brothers, I want to be able to do the same for him.

And who knows? Maybe this will force me back to writing again. Goodness knows this hole blog has been a big ol bowl of whining, so what's a few more rants in the mix?

Saturday, June 2, 2018

And We're Done!

That's right ladies and gents - we did it! My 17 years of homeschooling has officially come to an end. I'm still in the process of wrapping a few things up. I finished grading all his stuff which was nothing short of a miracle. Graduation announcements already went out, and his diploma is on the way. His driver's test is schedule which is a long and boring story that isn't going to get posted because clearly I don't post hardly at all anymore.

I'm going to slightly go off about car insurance because they seem to think people with teenagers have money. What a joke! The grocery store gets all our money. Enough about that or we'll be here till the cows come home.

I keep waiting for the emotions to show up and go all ugly cry, but this time around I feel nothing but this intense feeling of relief. And smugness. Lots and lots of feeling smug. With the twins I was all Sunrise, Sunset total mess. With Jared - I feel relief, satisfaction, and again that smugness. I seriously want to do a shout out to all the haters. I was posting stuff on Facebook about being done and had to laugh at who liked it and who was silent.

Haters gonna hate.

I so wish I wouldn't have wasted so much time and energy on people that clearly didn't have my back, didn't have my family's best interest in mind, and were just fake. Oh to have a talk with my younger self! Perspective is an amazing thing - if only it would show up sooner rather than later.

In the middle of all this craziness, Michael got a newer car. Dude was in a couple fender benders over the winter, so he saved up his money to get a newer vehicle. He ended up getting a really good deal on a much newer car than he thought possible. Totally debt free. So proud of him. However, his old car is still here. Have I mentioned we have like zero parking space? 5 cars is barely do-able. We now have 6 cars. We tried to see if Jared would like it as it's newer than his but he doesn't want it. Remember that scene where Mr. Incredible is squished in the car? Almost an accurate picture. Michael is the same height as me (poor shrimp) and Jared is 6 ft. so it's not going to work. I think a friend of his is going to buy it, but he has to save up some money.

Here's hoping my eye-twitch will be able to survive the month with an additional car eating up precious curb space.

Nicholas did get another job, he was only out of work for a total of two weeks, but he was still getting paid from Sam's Club as part of their severance package so he got a double paycheck for almost a month. The whole thing still sucks, but life is like that. Menard's built a new store just around the corner from our old rental place, so he's familiar with the area. They pay more and they really like him. Couple of cooperate people say he has excellent customer service and two different managers are trying to get him to go to their department.

I got everyone asking me what am I going to do with myself and free time. That makes me laugh because I don't have free time. I am pulled all over the place to keep everyone else squared away. I would like to express my disappointment that no one has written a What To Expect Now That They Are Grown book. I seriously could use one and explain to me these different stages. Is it awesome? Yes! But this stage seems to be a lot more busy. How is this possible???

Although, having adult children means I'm getting pretty spoiled on Mother's Day these last few years. Guess it's making up for all the years it wasn't great. They got me a robot sweeper thing! I feel like I need to say it exactly like that, because I can't figure out how to program it.
I feel so dumb.
I've started to drop hints at Nicholas, our tech guru, that he's gonna have to 'splain it to me. This sucker has different modes, which again, I can't figure out. I can't put it on a timed cleaning schedule because so far the little squirt gets hung up under one of our chairs. It got stuck in a couple different spots too. So it's like a toddler that needs some supervision. And I need help on how to make it behave.

I should be able to figure this out. I've been around technology my whole life so I should know how to make things work. I was on the phone with my dad the other day and he couldn't figure out that I had text him a picture. He kept saying he was on Messenger and couldn't see the picture, which isn't the same as texting. We went round robin for 5 minutes, so I ended up sending the picture through Messenger because it wasn't clicking with him.

God, help me! That better not be my future.

My folks did congratulate me on finishing my race. I'm going to bask in that glow because it's gonna fall flat here shortly. My niece is getting married, like tomorrow. It's a five hour trip one way. It starts at 4, on a Sunday. We can't go. I have a few valid reasons why we can't go, but I can tell you, it hasn't gone over very well with my mom. At all.


For now, I'm just basking in the glory of finishing the race. It's not a graceful crossing mind you, but more like a face plant across the line. But I did cross it so hooray!

And if I could do this - and believe me, there were A LOT of people along those 17 years who told me that I couldn't do it, then I wonder what else I can do?

Seriously, I'm taking suggestions. And I need them quick too, because my mom seems to think I need her to fill in my time now. (Insert some heavy sighs, muttering, and a couple swear words tossed in for good measure.)

Hope everyone has a happy summer! Because I have a stack of books I'm planning on reading.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

That Moment When I Actually had 15 Minutes To Myself And Remembered I Used To Blog Once

Who am I kidding? I haven't had 15 minutes to myself since in....well.....a long time ago.

Life has been moving faster than a speeding blender. I'm surprised at how fast the holidays came and went. It feels like a sneak attack, which is odd because it's the same time every year. It's not like the date changed or anything for crying out loud. It just sort of BAM! right there on my things to do list.

Don't get me started on that darn list either. Right now, I'm doing this weird negotiation with it where I'll do the 10 loads of laundry today so long as I can put off the 20 other items I have been avoiding for the last week. Very much like a hostage situation. Hand over the clean undies and I'll think about balancing the checkbook. No. That doesn't sound like a hostage situation. That sounds like an average day living with guys.

Y'all, my dudes or dudettes, life has just been nuts. I can't keep up with up it. We had a great Christmas. I found myself with this intense need for wrapping paper where I threatened to get everyone a package of socks and individually wrap the socks. I blame all of this on having adult children. Adult children are a whole different breed that you really can't prepare yourself for all the shifts and changes that seem to be happening all the time. Michael got a different job (yay!), the Sam's club Nicholas is at is closing (boo!), and Jared is on his last semester of high school (oh hallelujah!).

We keep saying this stage is so weird. 20 years ago the biggest issues the guys had was please help me tie my shoe. Now we have hey, help me file an insurance claim on my car from a fender bender. (I can't even begin to blog about that or how that took the starch right out of me, but the boy is fine and his car still runs so yay for the small things.) It's weird things too. Once upon a time, we could all binge watch TV shows. Now? It takes an act of God to align everyone's schedule just to see a movie.

Time. She be a marching on. And apparently has no brakes. Jerk.

I will say it does this mamma's heart good to see how the guys really are getting their crap together. I was very doubtful it would ever happen, but just to see them step up and do adult things makes me sigh from relief. The older 2 have a couple ideas they want to pursue if life would stop throwing monkey-wrenches at their plans that would be great. They are very active at church and are all over the place.

It looks like Fred and I are getting dragged into leading a life group. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. However, God has really been helping me to let go of people's opinions about me. Anytime I'm feeling like God is pushing me to do something and I try the but God, so and so said this about me so this is why I can't; He's pretty fast to say so what? Who are they? They don't know what's in you. How do you get out of that one? Who knew I had so many limiting beliefs?

But this seems to have triggered some weird nesting thing where I want the living room painted. Like now. As in no way do I want people to stare at this ugly wall color like I have for 2 years. Hubby is looking at me like I'm nuts. I mean more so than usual, because time is not on my side. He's not available because his work schedule is just nuts. Plus there was the whole kitchen painting episode where I'm still not sure if I like the color. It's been 5 months. I put up a few pictures that work well with it, so I'm warming up to it.

This has not instilled confidence is the Hubster. But I keep pointing out I'll be doing all the painting, and then quietly whisper he has to move everything out of the way. Although I might see if Nicholas will help me with it. It's not like he'll have anything else to do but look for a job. (I am so mad about the whole thing. I just can't even. No warning, no guarantee to move them to a different store which is way out of the way. Nothing. I'm seriously thinking about canceling my membership which I've had since the mid 90s. So not happy. And the poor guy has been pulling 9 hour shifts because of the sheer onslaught of people it has been so overwhelming. He comes home looking like a zombie. Irked. I better stop before I go off on another rant.)

In the midst of all the crazy, I'm trying to convince myself to go see a doctor. I got ovarian cysts popping like popcorn and sweet mercy the pain! I'm a bit leery as most doctors will say cyst happen so suck it up. But it's been increasing over the last year. Of course, I need to stop being a baby about it and make the appointment. All the what-ifs and past doctors being aloof doesn't instill much confidence. Right now I'm playing rock, paper, scissors with myself. I'm not really sure who's winning. A couple friends are on me to just get a hysterectomy, but I'm not so sure if I'm trading one set of problems for another set of problems.
Decisions, decisions.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Life Inside A Blender

That would actually make a good book title. I think I might have left my blender on high. This season of life has been.... surprising? chunky? blurry? Almost sounds like a smoothie. Little bit of this, some of that, and I just hope it tastes somewhat decent.

When we last saw our heroine, she was somewhere back in March. In rolled April with her last home school convention and her in-laws coming out for a visit. She had all these thoughts of writing an encouraging home school book, even started up it's own blog (should I just confess that I wrote one - 1 blog post and haven't even looked at it since?) but atlas, that just seemed to have fizzled out. Instead our heroine felt that part of her assignment is coming to a close and doesn't feel sad about it. Like at all. I seriously thought I was going to be all weepy about it, but the trip actually was a complete dud for me. And when I sat down and thought about writing to encourage other homeschoolers I was surprised that I felt nothing. I mean she. She felt nothing.

Yes, SHE pondered that possibly it was an assignment but it was further down the road because maybe there was something else that needed to be tackled. Little did she know that tackling was just life in general. Ahem.

Over dramatic you say? Try this - M had a back molar that broke a while ago, said it didn't hurt and money being what it is didn't really do much. Then same tooth on the other side broke. Took him to a dentist to discover that his lower wisdom teeth grew into the broken molars causing them to crumble. 6 teeth had to go buh-bye. However, that dentist didn't want to touch it and their office was without an oral surgeon. Blah, blah long story was referred to wrong office, delay after delay finally got it done right after the home school conference. Did everything right, dude got an infection. Felt like the worst recovery nurse ever, but was told it was a good thing I was on top of it as it could have been worse.

So M recovered and was glad he did it. But wait, there's more. Who's shocked that whole twin thing kicked in? Anyone? N has the exact same problem, same teeth, x-rays almost look identical. Even though I warned them M was a twin and I would be bringing in N, it freaked out the whole office. It was amusing. Nicholas was a good sport about the whole thing. Same 6 teeth are going next week and you better believe I'm going to be all over it. Don't even think about it, infection!

We had a string of car break-ins in the neighborhood. Michael's driver's side door doesn't unlock with a key. So he has to crawl through the side to unlock it. He didn't lock it as he keeps nothing in his car, had no problems for months. One night he went to go to work but noticed the driver's door barely closed and glove box open. Nothing was missing. A month goes by and he was heading out to his car for work (he leaves anywhere from 3:30 to 4:00 a.m.) to see his car door wide open. We think it being that early, he caught the guy in the act. He said he felt like the Holy Spirit was telling him to get in his car and go! Don't look around, get in and go! His car is parked along the curb as he leaves so early with our other four vehicles in the driveway. A lady posted in our Nextdoor group from her security camera there were three guys that have been hitting people's car. I don't want to think about what could have happened. Needless to say, dude locks his car and just climbs through from the other side. We finally move out of the ghetto and now we have to be even more vigilant with our security. The frustrating part is they are wearing hoodies and masks, they know they are being recorded. Grr!

In the midst of this, J finished up his junior year. Less than a year and I will be done! But dude turned 18 and we are now a family of all adults. Maturity levels is still questionable, but that's sort of normal. Yes, I started him late. It was a last ditch effort to see if the rapture was going to happen so I didn't really have to do this whole homeschooling thing. Good thing I actually got around to doing the whole school thing or this would be awkward.

Thought I would pass along this info - if you have a male turning 18, you have 30 days from his birthday to register him with the Selective Services. When the twins turned 18, they were in the midst of getting driver's permit so forms were sent. There was nothing for Jared so we did it online. Right now, if they don't get registered they can't get any federal help for pretty much anything. They won't be eligible for college grants or loans that are federal, or any type of federal housing loans. I did read an article that there are lawmakers trying to push for harsher punishment for not registering. I don't like it, but it is what it is. I hope and pray it's never used, but I don't want to screw their future over either. That and that whole law thing. So now you know. Read up on it.

Dude has been super busy lately. He helped my dad out with a gun and knife show. Was glad he got all his school stuff done before his laptop croaked. He went to church camp and came back pretty sunburned. We'll just leave off someone forgot to send suntan lotion. Still working at logging in his driving hours. That whole process feels like it takes forever. You think wow, we did a lot, how much time? 10 minutes?!? Nooo!!

This is sad, I can't even remember what else I had going on. Nothing important as I'm having to shove it aside. My dad just had a stroke last week. Brain doctor is saying it was the heart doctor's fault for having his blood pressure too low. Not sure what's going to happen with that. His heart only functions about 25% (he would brag that it's up from 15%) so not sure where his blood pressure should be at. He's going to recover but it's going to take some time. His speech is fine but his vision is messed up. He can't drive for now so this is going to be interesting. He's pretty much done selling BBQ sauce, which is good because we've been on his case for month that his body can't take it. Jared was even saying he didn't think grandpa looked too good when he helped him. Not sure how all of this is going to pan out.

They were going to put him in some rehab clinic, but they changed their minds and sent him home. We're all thinking they ran his insurance to see what it covered and then decided they weren't going to get paid so out the door. They did that when my mom had her stroke. Thankfully, mom recovered her speech and has been back to normal for quite awhile. She said it took about 6 months to finally feel normal so all we can do is wait and see what the brain does.

This, however, means the plans they had for their already paid for conference is in need of an extra driver as my mom can't do all the driving by herself. Not sure if I'm a really good person or if I'm being punished for something, because guess who that extra driver is going to be? We have no idea how well dad is going to travel or how his brain is going to react. I should get back just in time to take N to the oral surgeon and have a week of taking care of him and managing pain meds. Week after that I'm going with my folks to go hear Robert Henderson.

So August - August looks like it might behave. Might. I'm planning on painting the kitchen. I held out as long as I could. We did the cabinets last year, so this is just caulk and paint, not stripping off layers of paint. We're talking about painting the hallway too - not sure. At this point, I might just make a blanket fort and not come out for a while. Except by that time I better get in gear for J's senior year.

Dramatic enough for you? If I hear someone say being a stay-at-home mom is so boring I will try really hard not to punch them in the throat. I'm starting to think my smoothie has some huge chunks of ice in it. Not very smooth but hey, I'm still going, so can't be all that bad.

And it just dawned on me tomorrow is July 4th from all the fireworks going off. It's hard to tell because they have been doing that for the last two weeks. We are not amused especially since the guys all work early morning shifts. I can't keep track of stuff like holidays anymore. Someone is always working a holiday, so everyone is coming and going at odd times. Gone are the days where we even watch TV together anymore. It's crazy! It takes serious plotting and planning for the five of us to even go see a movie together.

But happy independence day, America! Let's hope you really can turn things around a be great again.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

That Time I Met Jenny Lawson - The Bloggess

Granted, it was a whooping 10 seconds at a book signing, but that is besides the point. And she is just fabulous! The whole time we were in line, I kept telling myself to play it cool, don't be a freak and gush how much you admire her bravery, her honesty, and just how freaking crazy she is or how her writing really help shine a light in a dark place to say hey, you're not alone. That and her dark place makes mine look like a picnic on a slightly cloudy day.

Perspective is an amazing thing.

She even talked about that before she faced the masses to sign books. I sort of feel slightly guilty after reading her books that I feel way better about myself, but what's really cool about her is that she knows that and gives you permission to feel better that you aren't as messed up as her.

When it was my turn to have her sign her new book/coloring book, I wasn't a gushing dork, but I'm pretty sure my brain thought this was supposed to be a mannequin challenge and froze. No trying to connect, no saying something funny, zilch, nadda, nothing. I finally managed to squeak out I love her writing just as she finished signing the book and she genuinely thanked me. Either that or she is a world class actresses and has missed her calling in life. If you read her blog, you know that is not the case. Especially since she said she was having a panic attack before she came out on stage and took the wrong meds and was waiting for the vodka to kick in.

I'm glad we left early. It was a 2 hour drive down to Louisville, and because Mother Nature is off her meds, it was blowing snow. Didn't bother me a bit being from Michigan. I was lamenting that I feel bad that my kids don't know how to handle weather like that because any snow we get lasts for about 3 hours and then the sun comes out and melts it all away. I think we had some snow on the ground for a whole 2 weeks beginning of the year. I could still see grass poking through, so technically that doesn't count. Just a dusting.

We made good time due to I was talking and wasn't paying attention to how fast I was going. We actually got a pretty good parking spot, but it was parallel parking. I called it close enough and left it at that. I didn't tag the curb probably because I wasn't even close to it. I'm pretty sure the guys can parallel park better than I can. But it's not like my TrailBlazer, aka The Beast, turns on a dime.

Totally enjoyed the evening. We were in the second round of signing because someone was smart and color coded people so there wasn't a mass rush to the table. As I floated over to my friends that were waiting for me, I did give myself a pat on the back. While I wasn't my normal witty self, I can say I didn't make an @$$ of myself either. And some days that is a true challenge. Goodness knows I have a track record of opening mouth, shoving foot in up pass the knee-cap in a record of 4 seconds.

Thankfully, that was not the day.

I will give caution if you grab her books. It is for mature audiences and my inner 12 year old. Both of her books have left me crying with laughter, gasping for air. The guys kept asking what was so funny and all I could say several times over was "I can't repeat it." I did read one tiny section to get them off my case and they looked at me confused as to why I thought that was so funny. My inner 12 year old squeals with glee at her books. I am aware that 12 year old needs therapy, but who really has time for that?

This did bring up a discussion later about having apposing views of life. There are times in certain circles my opinion about things is completely in the minority. I've learned to just keep quiet and let people have their own opinions. Now if my opinion is asked - I will give it, and make no apologies for it. But I'm so over everyone telling everyone how they should be, should think, should (fill in the blank). Heard this just last night - "stop shoulding on people, stop shoulding on yourself." ~Melissa Ramos

Words to live by.

Monday, February 27, 2017

I Will Make You Fishers Of Men....

And Desserts Will Be The Bait

I'm pretty sure that last part was supposed to be added. At least in the Message bible, because I've caught quite a few people.

Over the years with church gatherings, family reunions, and hanging out with a group, you tend to gather tried and true recipes. Anything from stuff to make in a pinch, or you're trying to impress the socks off of everyone in the room. I honestly never set out to impress anyone, but for some odd reason it happens from time to time. I tend to read recipes like a science experiment which range from yeah, I can do that, to that is never going to happen - like ever.

Something I've noticed lately is no one seems to cook much anymore. Probably because everyone is flat out tired! When I was working, there was no way in the world I was going to spend my day off hanging out in the kitchen all day long only to watch something get wolfed down in seconds and then spend the rest of the evening cleaning up the mess it took to make awesomeness. So now I can really appreciate homemade stuff and the effort behind it like I never had before. I look at it differently and I've tried to put in a little extra effort.

But serious on the little part because I tend to bite off more than I can chew. Ha!

I don't want to say I've created a monster but um, the thing is starting to grow teeth. Our church has life groups, limited amount of people get together 3 times a month and do a bible study and just hang out and do life. Love it! With the whole fam in one group and the older guys in another group, food being involved and me tending to over do everything....well....I now have a following.

I feel kinda bad for the 20 somethings group. Broke and clueless - or at least that was what I was at that age. Our group is really large so you need extra food. I bring a side and a dessert and I never have anything left to bring home. Lately I've been doubling the desserts so the guys have stuff to take to their group. Thought I would try to make it easier on myself. I'm thinking that was totally stupid and should go back to making the guys do their own stuff instead of pulling this AAHH! Life is crazy, I can't do all this stuff! Mom! Help!!

That gets me every.single.time.

The last round bit me in the butt. It was some raspberry white chocolate cheesecake bites made in little mini muffin tins. It was a bit more involved than what I thought and since I doubled it - it took a while. Last week at church we were sitting around waiting on M to pack up his gear when all of the sudden a few people were talking with N and I hear "and THIS is my mom." "Oh the one who made....?" "Yup."

And I'm surrounded. One guy joked if we ever have an extra room open up he would be willing to move in and pay rent. I told him I'm crazy and he said his mom was crazy and can't cook, so he could handle it for the food's sake. That made me laugh.

So very grateful for Pinterest. I spent a whole Saturday doing laundry and surfing for some recipes. M was saying the happiest moment is knowing I'm on Pinterest and hearing the printer going. He pats his stomach and says, "Hear that? Goodness is on the way." That still makes me laugh no matter how many times he does that. I think we might have issues. Back in the day you had to collect cookbooks and usually you only got a small handful of good ones out of a whole huge book. I've noticed that bars are the best to take to potlucks. It seems to keep it even. I've seen a few greedy gulpers scoop out the majority of something leaving not much for others and then bragged about it afterwords about who didn't get any of aunt so and so's pie or what have you.

Speaking back in the day, I've noticed that recipes were once a guarded secret. I'm quick to print off a recipe and fork it over to the shock of some people. I tell them my grandma took a couple recipes to her grave and I can't tell you how much that annoys me. You ever eaten something and it teleports you back in time to that memory? Yeah.

Maybe that's why I go overboard or try out something new. Just another way of making some happy memories.